I feel like I already know you
by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles
Summary: Date night is ALWAYS ruined by Bella and Edward's 'Just Friends' attitude. Their friends new policy: hook up or get out. So B and E hit the singles dating website to find their "True Love". They may be surprised at who that turns out to be....
1. Prologue: Hook up or get out!

APOV

"Guys! Can you take your non-romantic conversation somewhere else?"

Bella and Edward looked up from each others eyes and glared at me.

"What? Like we care what the last book you read was." I swiveled around on Jasper's lap for support. "Right, Jazz?"

"Right." he agreed.

"I second that." said Rose, lifting her lips from Emmett's long enough to actually speak. "So does Emmett. Hook up or get out."

"So, just because we aren't playing tonsil hockey with someone, that means we can't come on date night?" asked Edward angrily.

"Its called 'date night' for a reason!" I argued. "You have to have a date to come!"

"Bella is my date!" he protested.

"No! You're 'best friends' and despite all of our efforts, you've insisted on staying that way for the past 17 years!" God it was annoying. Two people totally perfect for each other and they refuse to realise it.

My two friends both groaned. "Not this speech again!" they moaned in unison.

I glared at them. "Look, if you aren't going to go out with your soul mate, who by the way is sitting right in front of you..."

"Alice, we're just.."

"Shut up. At least get with someone _else_ then you can come on date night properly, without ruining the mood."

"All the guys at school are idiots."

"All the girls are sluts."

Then they glanced at each other and at the exact same time (They're always doing that) said, "Except for you, obviously."

I resisted the urge to punch them both in the face and scream "LOOK AT YOURSELVES!". Instead I took a deep breath. "Why not try singles dating sites then?"

They both fell about in hysterics.

"What?! They can be good!"

"We're not saddo forty year olds with nothing to do on a Friday night!" giggled Bella.

"Except ruin their friend's romance." I muttered. "Why not just try it? What could go wrong?"

"Um... How about we could be attacked by some evil Internet predator?" suggested Edward sarcastically.

"Will you get off our cases if we try it?" asked Bella quickly.

No. "Yes."

"Then we'll do it. Won't we Edward?" she looked at him and just like that she had him won over.

"Absolutely."

I grinned. "Brilliant. Sign up tomorrow. And don't think I won't check." With that I turned my attention back to the movie. Nice doing business with you, I added silently.

BPOV

It didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. I stared at the sign up screen skeptically and picked up the phone.

"Hey. I'm just on the website." said my best friend when he picked up.

"Me too." I sighed. "I can't believe she talked us into this. What the hell is my screen name going to be?"

"You'll think of something. You always do." he assured me.

I smiled to myself. He was so lovely. If only he wasn't my friend. Now we could never ever go out. It would only ruin things.

"I hope so. Oh well. I'll talk to you later."

"Have fun. If all else fails, you can always resort to I_love_cookies."

I giggled and hung up.

I stared around my room for inspiration, swiveling around on my chair. Faster and faster. Then it hit me. Well, duh!

I started to type.

EPOV

I hung up my phone. It was incredible how talking to Bella, even for thirty seconds, made me feel so light and happy.

If I didn't know better I'd say I was in love with her. But I did know better, it had always been like that.

I stared at the sign up screen wondering if Bella had thought of a screen name yet. I had no idea what mine was going to be.

Maybe...

No.

What about....

Nah.

What if it was....

Perfect!

**So, for the screen names thing, I have a few ideas but nothing amazing. I'm definitely open to suggestions... hint hint!**


	2. Oh em GEE! She's touching me!

Alice looked me straight in the eye. "Do you swear?"

"Yes! For the seventy third time today, I PROMISE! I signed up last night."

"Then why won't you tell me your screen name?" she challenged.

I sighed. "Because I want to remain anonymous!"

"Anonymous, schononymous."

We pulled into Edward's driveway. "Schononymous?"

"Don't try and change the subject." she snapped. "You'd better have signed up, Bella. Because next date night, you're bringing whoever you meet on the website."

"WHAT?! I'm not bringing a complete stranger on date night! My date is always Edward! I _like_ it that way."

She looked me in the eye. "Does he?"

We sat silently in the car for a few minutes.

"I...I think so." I said eventually. "He's never said anything to me. We always have fun.... Has he said something to you?"

She shook her head. "Look, all I'm saying, is that even if you don't, maybe Edward wants a _proper _date once in a while. He's never even had a girlfriend. And, don't take this the wrong way, but maybe thats because he spends all his time with his best friend who happens to be a girl."

I bit my lip. Was I holding Edward back? We were so close, literally too. Practically _always _touching. It made sense that other girls might find that intimidating....Sometimes maybe, get the wrong idea....

"So, this whole dating site thing might be good for both of you."

I nodded. "Sure." Whatever you say....

We walked inside in silence.

"Hey!" said Edward, leaning in to hug me.

I could see Alice over Edward's shoulder, raising her eyebrows before walking off. Her face said. 'See? You look exactly like a couple.'.

My hands froze where they were,just about to wrap around Edward's waist. I quickly stepped back. He looked at me, confused when I just patted his shoulder awkwardly and turned to walk to the other room where the rest of my friends were gathered. Its for the best, I told myself. Enough of all this touchy feely stuff. You're holding him back.

"Bella?" he grabbed my hand a pulled me back to face him. "Something wrong?"

I smiled brightly. "Nope, nothing. Why would something be wrong? I'm smiling aren't I? Nothing is wrong. Do I look like somethings wrong?" I pointed to my grin and made it bigger.

His eyes narrowed. "Something _is _wrong. Tell me. Now."

"Nothings wrong!" I insisted, trying to pull away, but his grip was like iron.

He pushed me gently against the pantry door, put his hands either side of my head and pressed his forehead to mine. "You patted my shoulder, Bella. Instead of hugging me, you patted my shoulder. Something is definitely wrong."

I hadn't been paying attention. I was too busy being very, very aware that his lips were inches from mine. They looked nice too....Then I realised what I was doing. Weird. I had been thinking about my best friends lips. His _lips. _But then, how could I not have noticed how nice they were? After all these years, I'd never noticed...

Then _again_, I'd never felt the urge to kiss them quite like I was feeling now.

I'd totally forgotten to put the washing on before I came out, I realised, that meant I couldn't.....WAIT, WHAT?

Kiss Edward? That was just...wrong! He was like my brother!

"Bella! Are you even listening?"

"But you're like my brother!" I screamed at him. "How could I have....What was I thinking? Well of course, I know what I was thinking, thats kind of the problem..." I muttered.

Edward stepped back, looking utterly perplexed. "What the hell are you talking about, Swan?"

"Of course I don't even WANT to.... Right?"

He glanced left then right. "Ummm....sure. Right."

"Or do I?" I mumbled to myself. I was so confused.

"Good question." Edward agreed, sitting on the kitchen bench.

"If I wanted to, I would have known I wanted to a long time ago..."

He nodded. "Or sooner."

"Then I have nothing to worry about."

"Nothing."

I smiled. He smiled back. And we just sat there smiling like idiots until he broke the silence.

"Now that we've straightened that out, I have just one question."

"Yes, Edward?"

"What in Gods name are you talking about, Bella?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Nothing."

He rolled his eyes. "Good! Then lets go eat pizza." he reached for my hand, but I folded my arms.

"Bella!" he sounded really frustrated. "I thought you and you had figured out your troubles! What is your problem with touching me tonight?"

Dammit. He had figured me out. And here I was thinking I was being subtle.... I patted his head quickly and folded my arms again. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you do." he reached out to touch my cheek and I stepped to the side.

He smirked. "I just proved my point. Now tell me what I've done or I swear I _will _touch your leg!" he threatened.

I pretended to be shocked. "No! Not the leg!"

He waited.

It was no use. He was my closest friend. We couldn't have a secret between us if our lives depended on it. "Ok, ok..." and I explained what Alice had said to me in the car. "....and now I'm trying to keep my distance because I don't want you to suffer for something I enjoy." I finished.

He stared at my face intently for about a minute his face like stone. Then suddenly his expression brightened and he grinned. "You _enjoy _touching me!?" he laughed.

I banged my head against the pantry door in frustration. "Thats not even the point!"

"I know. Sorry. Its just sweet and nice to know you feel the same way." he explained.

I tilted my head to the side. "Aw. You like touching me too?"

"As scary and sexual predetor-y as that sounds...yes."

"Come here you!" I ran at him and threw my arms around his neck.

"Oh em GEE! She's touching me! She's touching me!" he squeaked, laughing.

I giggled too and messed up his hair.

"See? That wasn't so bad!" he teased. "We don't have to stop being ourselves because of what the outside world might assume."

"Right." I agreed, happy that we could still be friends. Just friends.

But if I was so content with 'just friends'... Then how come, as I lay in bed that night, I _still _couldn't get Edward's lips out of my head?

*

The next day, I logged onto my account to see if anyone was watching me. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if no one was. I'd decided not to upload a photo. If anyone was going to be interested in me, I wanted their interest to be purely based on my personality, not my looks.

Two people were watching _BrunetteShoppingHater. _The first was some guy called _Golden_Retriever. _17. Likes: Hanging out with friends and listening to music.

Huh. Sounded pretty laid back and cool. Maybe I'd give him a chance, I thought.

Dislikes: Reading.

Um. No thanks. I pick books over boys any day.

I clicked onto the second profile. _Meow-I'm a dog. _

I giggled to myself. Funny name. Likes: Long walks along the beach and fixing cars.....

Cool. I could use a mechanic around. My truck was pretty temperamental.

...and cliff diving.

I didn't even bother to look at his dislikes. Cliff diving? With my co-ordination? Not such a good idea...

And that was it. I logged off with a sigh.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

*

EPOV

Alice had warned me the night before that if I didn't find at least two girls on the website by that night, she was burning my CD's.

So, yeah. I logged on rather quickly.

I found that one girl was already watching me. _Hot_With_A_Capital_J!_

Some people were very...bold.

Likes: Shopping. Boys.

Typical girl... She'd fit in so well at my school....

Dislikes: Eating.

Wow. Eating disorder much?

I clicked off her profile as fast as I possibly could.

20 minutes, two _Shopaholic4eva _'s and three gay guys later, I stumbled across _BrunetteShoppingHater._

I quickly checked to see that Alice wasn't lurking somewhere before clicking on her profile. My sister would never forgive me for looking at someone who even implyed shopping was _slightly _kind of not ok. Bella was the one exception to the rule.

_BrunetteShoppingHater _sounded very cool. Likes: Reading. Talking to my best friend and avoiding uneven surfaces. Dislikes: Shopping. I mean, obviously! Have you seen my name? Just scroll up a bit..bit more....there you go! Well, obviously its not my real name. That would be weird. My parents would have really hated me to give me that name.....

And that was where she ran out of characters. I added her while chuckling to myself.

Heres hoping she wouldn't judge me on my screen name, _I_Love_Cookies._


	3. Alice tells Edward to 'follow his heart'

BPOV

I burst into hysterical laughter the next morning when I logged onto the site. I couldn't believe it! Someone had actually put their screen name as _I_Love_Cookies. _I couldn't wait to tell Edward! I clicked onto their profile. Likes: Reading. My wonderful best friend and Playing the piano.

I raised my eyebrows. This one was definitely a keeper. He liked reading and also like me, he had a best friend who he was obviously close to. Plus, he and Edward would no doubt get along like a house on fire because of the whole piano thing...

I internally slapped myself. What the hell? I had simply read three things that the guy liked, and I was already planning on introducing him to the most important person in my life. I was such a loser.

I decided to at least read his dislikes before deciding whether or not I wanted to talk to him. For all I knew, he hated Debussy!

Dislikes: Annoying, pressuring friends, blood and Calculus.

I could sure relate on the annoying friends one! That sealed the deal, I hit accept.

I then realised I actually had another request, from someone named _Pixie-Shopping-Queen. _

Oh God.

A lesbian.

She was online so I decided to send her a message and set her straight.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Uh...hi...I saw that you tried to add me.... and well, I just wanted to tell you that...well, I'm straight and I clearly-

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _I KNEW IT WAS YOU! BRUNETTESHOPPINGHATER? OF ALL THE AWFUL, DISGUSTING...

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Alice?!

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _Yes. I got an account. Don't tell Jazz. He'll get the wrong idea. I only joined to keep an eye on you and my idiot brother. Do you know who he is, btw? He's really hard to find. I've typed in _Gay-loser _and _Swotty-Piano-Player _and _Geeky-Bella-Lover. _Nothing.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Now THERE'S a shock.

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _I know. I was about to try.....Ooooo!

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _What?

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _OMG! _I_Lov.... _OH!

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _If you keep being all cryptic, I WILL log off...

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _Have you talked to this _I_Love_Cookies _yet?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _No, but I'd like too. We have a lot in common. I think we'd get on quite well.

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _He he. Oh yes. I have a feeling you would DEFINETLY hit it off... Tee hee....Ok. I've gotta go. Edward wants the computer. Stay on, ok?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Well, I have things to do....

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _STAY ON!

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _OK!

And with that she logged off.

I sighed. This was so typical Alice. Creating an account just to spy on me and Edward.

Honestly.

EPOV

"Seriously. Get off now. For the last time."

"Mmmhmm..."

"ALICE! I will burn your wardrobe! I swear I will!" I shouted as I came up the stairs. I really wanted to see if _BrunetteShoppingHater _was online and the upstairs computer had the fastest modem. "1...2...."

She came bounding down the stairs with a huge grin on her face. "All done. I'm going on my laptop now. You going on the dating website?"

Yes. "Whats it to you?" I grumbled.

"Oh nothing..." she said brightly. "Have fun! Oh and Edward?"

"What?" I moaned.

She fluttered her eyelashes. "Follow your heart."

I tried to kick her but she dodged. "I'll keep that in mind."

I logged on to my account and immediately checked if _ BrunetteShoppingHater _was on...Which she was!

Ok. Ok calm down. She's probably awful. She's nothing to get excited over. Calm, Edward.

Be cool.

_I_Love_Cookies: _Uh... Hi!

Yup. Smoooth...

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Oh, hello. I was hoping you'd come on.

I tried very hard not to squeal.

_I_Love_Cookies: _Why's that?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _We obviously have a lot in common..Wait. You don't like shopping do you?

_I_Love_Cookies: _Why, I love shopping. I mean, I just sooo totally live to shop!

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Nooooo! You're joking....right?

_I_Love_Cookies: _No....Ok, yes. But I like shopping for cookies. (see screen name) Does that count?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _YES! All types of shopping is cursed! Cursed and doomed I tell you! Cursed and doomed!

_I_Love_Cookies: _ Wow! Ok, but what if I said we were shopping for... Chocolate chip cookies?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _We? There is no we. You couldn't drag me to a mall if you tried.

_I_Love_Cookies: _I dunno...I'm not a weak person...

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Gah! Ok. Fine. You can take me to your damn shopping mall. But _only _to buy cookies.

_I_Love_Cookies: _But...I get thirsty.... *does puppy dog eyes*

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Noo! Not the puppy dog eyes! OK OK! Drinks too.

_I_Love_Cookies: _Excellent! I'm looking forward to it already.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Ditto. Listen, I'd better go. Nice talking to you.

_I_Love_Cookies: _Likewise. Same time tomorrow?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _You know it!

Then she logged off.

Wow. I leaned back in my computer chair. This girl was pretty cool. I'd have to tell Bella about her.

I had a feeling they'd get on well.


	4. You aren't Jessica right?

**Short chapter because FYI, I can't feel my face. God I hate dentists....**

BPOV

The next few days, I spent basically glued to my computer!

I'd wake up in the morning, switch it on, and it pretty much stayed that way until I went to bed.

_I_Love_Cookies _was one of the coolest people I had ever talked to. He was funny, smart and even though I'd known him only a few days, I felt like... Well I felt like I already knew him better than myself.

Usually, I would feel guilty for being so unsociable with my other friends, but they didn't even seem to mind.

Alice was ecstatic that I was actually doing the whole dating site thing, Jasper pretty much went along with whatever Alice decided so there were no issues there.

Rose and Emmett were always locked in his room, so they didn't care what I was doing.

Edward.

I felt an unpleasant squeeze of some unidentifiable emotion deep inside of me.

I wasn't the only one who had found someone online that I liked, Edward seemed totally taken with some girl. And I hated to admit it...

But I was... I think I was.... Jealous?

No, no no way. Jealousy? Thats not it. Protective, yeah, thats the one. I probably just felt protective of him. He was like a brother to me. I just didn't want him to get hurt by some Internet slut.

He hadn't told me her screen name or anything because he wanted to stay totally anonymous. Even from each other,

"How would telling me _her_ screen name lead me to you?" I had challenged.

"You could look in her friends list and find me." he replied calmly.

"I wouldn't know your screen name. I would just think I was talking to some random."

He snorted. "Yeah right. Like we wouldn't know it was each other right away."

"Suppose you're right. It'd be just like having a conversation with yourself." I giggled.

EPOV

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Me too! I can't believe y.....

_I_Love_Cookies: _Hello? BSH?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _I'm here! Um, my friend just logged on. Do you mind if she joins the convo?

_I_Love_Cookies: _Sure! I'd love to know one of your friends.

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen has joined the conversation _

_Pixie-Shopping-Queen: _Who are you talking too, Be.....Ohmygosh!

_I_Love_Cookies: _Alice?

Alice had added me a couple of days ago to "keep an eye on me". I was still trying to figure out her password so I could hack in and destroy the account.

_I_Love_Cookies: _You know BrunetteShoppingHater? Wow. I certainly never picked you two as friends.....

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _OH MY GOODNESS! YOU KNOW EACH OTHER??

_I_Love_Cookies: _Do you go to Forks High???

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Yes! Shit, you're not Mike Newton, are you?

_I_Love_Cookies: _NO! But I know him. _You're_ not Jessica Stanly, right?

_Pixie-Shopping-Hater: _I'm still here ya know!

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _No, I'm not Jessica. Ha ha. Wow, do you think we've met? Have we met Alice?

_Pixie-Shopping-Hater: _Oh...Um...

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Wait, how do you know Alice anyway?

_Pixie-Shopping-Hater: _I can have other friends!

_I_Love_Cookies: _I'm her br-

_I_Love_Cookies has been disconnected._

"What?" I yelled.

"Sorry!" called Alice from downstairs. "I...uh..accidentally tripped over the extension cord for your laptop. Whoops."

**Review please!**


	5. Alice has a plan

BPOV

"I cannot believe you Alice!" I screeched. "This whole thing has been about us having dates and now you don't want us to MEET THEM?"

Alice put on her puppy dog eyes, but she wasn't getting away that easily. Edward and I had her cornered in my room, her back was pressed against the wall and we were glaring at her.

"I'm simply trying to protect you from creepy Internet predators." she explained sweetly, shooting looks at Jasper to come and save her. Looks that he ignored. "For all you know, both your people could be fifty year old men!"

"THEY ARE NOT!" Edward and I shouted at the same time.

"I can't believe this!" I exclaimed. I grabbed Edward's arm. "Lets go."

Edward allowed himself to be pulled out the door. "Maybe we should just invite them anyway."

I stopped and stared at him like he was crazy. "Are you kidding me? She'd go crazy!"

He sighed. "You're right. You're always right. But...I just...I just want to meet her. So so badly."

I nodded in agreement and got into his car. "Same. I think....Never mind."

"What?" he looked over at me curiously. "Do I need to touch you?" he teased.

I poked my tongue out. No way could I ever keep a secret from Edward. "I think I'm falling in love with him."

His eyes became huge. "Are you _joking_?! You don't even know this guy!"

"I do too!" I defended myself. "I feel like I've known him all my life!"

"No, Bella. You've known him about a week."

I raised my eyebrows. "You don't believe in love at first sight?"

He smirked. "Of course I do. My point exactly. You've never laid eyes on this guy. He's probably super ugly."

"Gee, Edward. Shallow much? So, what? Does this girl have hundreds of topless photos on her profile? Is that why you like her so much?" I refused to look at him. I was pretty mad by now.

He snorted. "You know me sooo well. Good to know you think so much of me, Bella."

"She's probably a blonde." I muttered.

"Actua.... Nope. Not going to go there." He said. "But back to the root of the argument, its totally stupid and idiotic to fall in love with someone over the Internet."

"So you're not in love with this girl you're talking too?" I'd heard how he'd talked about her. He seemed pretty smitten.

He deliberated for a moment. "No." he said firmly. "I'm not. She's lovely, but I'm definitely not in love with her. Love is an extremely strong word."

I sniffed. "Whatever." I didn't care about Edward's love life anymore. Once, I would have been totally interested, maybe even a little jealous. But now.... I had a new man in my life. I would concentrate on him. _Not _Edward.

APOV

"I don't get it." Jasper said, sprawled out on Bella's bed. "I thought you wanted them to get together? Even if it meant over the dating site. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"They're drifting apart." I said, sitting cross legged on the floor. "They're both putting so much time and effort into the site, that they're drifting apart in real life."

"But they're coming closer together on line." Jasper argued softly.

"Its not how its supposed to happen!" I moaned. "I realise that now! They'll find out its each other, maybe they'll even be _disappointed_! Then it'll be so so awkward and...ugh." I flopped onto my back.

"So what are we going to do?"

I thought for a moment. "Well, first of all, we call an emergency meeting with Em and Rose, tell them whats going on. Second, we make sure that under no circumstances, they find out that its each other on the site. Third, we get them _off _the site. And fourth, we set them up and get them together."

Jasper stared at me skeptically. "You've been trying to get them together for the last 17 years. What makes you so sure its going to work now?"

"Um....Well.... I guess..." I felt a smile fill my face. "60% of relationships start because the people are lonely."

"You made that statistic up, didn't you?"

Ah. He knew me so well. "Yeah, but thats not the point."

He sighed and took my bait. "Why will they be lonely, Alice?"

I jumped up. "Because! Their Internet loves will dump them!"

I shook his head. "Right. That will never work, darlin'. I just can't see Edward and Bella dumping each other. Even when they don't know it's the other."

I smiled. "Oh, they aren't going to dump each other."

"Then what are y...."

"_We're _going to dump them. We'll find out their passwords, lure them out of the house at seperate times, log on and..." I snapped my fingers. "Dumped. They'll never be the wiser."

"Alice I...."

"Then," I continued. "We'll pretty much lock the two heartbroken sweethearts in a room together and they'll "comfort" each other. And to you know what comforting leads to, Jasper?"

"Umm..."

"Kissing! Comforting leads to kissing!"

He looked confused.

"Ok. You be Edward, I'll be Bella." I stood on my tippy toes, trying to be taller. "Oh, Edward! My online boyfriend has just broken up with me! I'm so heartbroken!" I threw myself onto his lap and began "sobbing" into his chest.

"There there." He said. "Do you want some ice-cream?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. But you know what would make me feel better?" I winked at him. "A kiss!"

He shook his head and chuckled. "This is _never _going to work. Ever!"

"You'll see!" I said brightly.

"Its also kind of mean." he said quietly, not looking me in the eye. "They're both going to be really upset."

"Not when the comforting begins!"

"If," he argued. "We even _get _to that stage. What if they refused to be lured? So many things could go wrong with this plan, Al! You're messing with our best friends head's!"

I shook my head. "Trust me. I have this all worked out. This plan is foolproof!"

"I just hope you're right...." he said under his breath.

*

EPOV

"If I eat one more bite of this sundae, I'm going to be sick." I said, pushing the ice-cream away from me.

"Me too." groaned Bella clutching her stomach. "We've been here for three hours. What pigs we are!"

I kicked her gently under the table. "Speak for yourself! Who's the one who ordered the triple fudge sundae with extra chocolate buttons?"

She rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you came to an ice-cream parlor and ordered a milkshake. Thats like going to France and ordering Macaroni cheese."

"They wouldn't have them on the menu if you weren't supposed to buy them." I retorted. "And, besides, I didn't hear you complaining about my order when you kept demanding sips!"

"Shut up." She giggled. "The only reason you didn't want any of my sundae was because of the heart-shaped sprinkles, Mr I'm-too-sensible-to-fall-in-love."

I groaned. "Not this again."

She yanked the straw out of my empty shake cup and started making shapes with it. "I'm just saying...."

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. There was no way in hell I was telling Bella the truth. "I'm just...I'm just not in love with her." Liar.

Bella wasn't the only person I was denying my feelings too. I was also denying them to myself. Because I wasn't _that guy_. I wasn't the type of person to fall head over heels for someone I'd met over the Internet. My head kept telling me how _stupid _that was. How irresponsible that was. How...all these other things that was.

My heart on the other hand....

But I had always been good at compromises. So as I watched Bella shape a loveheart out of my straw, I made my mind.

I would never tell anyone how I felt. With the one exception of BrunetteShoppingHater herself.

But _only_, if she told me she loved me first.

BPOV

Staring at the loveheart I had made out of Edward's straw, I had made my mind up.

As I sat down at the computer, I started jittering with excitement.

I was going to tell _I_Love_Cookies _that I loved him.

But first, I was going to ask his name. His full name.

Then I would wait for the outcome of my confession. Whatever that might be.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Hi! You're on! Excellent! I need to ask you something!

_I_Love_Cookies: _Ask away! I'm all ears...well, actually, since I'm reading what you say, I'm all eyes, but whatever. Shoot.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Do you think...You could possibly...Tell me your full name?

_I_Love_Cookies: _Finally! I thought you'd never ask! Ok, my name is....

I had started to bounce up and down in my chair. In about thirty seconds I would know, not only his name, but whether he loved me too....

_I_Love_Cookies: _Edward Cullen.

I felt like I was going to throw up. I quickly moved my mouse and logged off. My eyes filled with tears.

I didn't need to ask whether he loved me.

Edward had already told me the answer.


	6. The Kidnapping

**HIEEE! Special shout out to _Twihardizzy4eva!_ She's amazing! She created a WEBSITE devoted to begging me to update this story. I'm very flattered! :-) xx This would've come like, next week or something if it weren't for her! So this chapter is dedicated to her. xxx**

EPOV

Well that was weird....

Was my name really _that _unattractive?

This truly was unfair. She knew my name, I hadn't the slightest clue to who she was.

I stayed logged on for a couple of hours, waiting, hoping she would log back on. But no such luck.

I was just reading through our conversation one last time before logging off, when I heard a sharp intake of breath come from behind me.

Alice.

"Dammit, Edward!" she cried, stamping her foot. "_Must _you ruin _all _of my schemes?"

"That conversation was private!" I yelled.

She rolled her eyes. "If you can even _call _it a conversation! She asked for your name. You told her. She freaked out and ditched you."

I scowled. Irritating little pixie sister. "She probably lost her internet connection..." I sounded unconvincing, even to my own ears.

"Ugh!" Alice lay sprawled out on the floor. "Why?! Why did you have to go and tell her?"

I sat down beside her. "I figured that if I told her my name, she'd tell me hers and then I would FINALLY know who the hell she was!"

Alice made a sound that sounded halfway between a moan and a drowning cat calling for help.

"Like it would've made any difference.." I muttered, mostly to myself. "Knowing who she was. I mean, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have recognised the name. If I've met her in real life, I'm sure we'd be married by now..."

"Aw." Alice sat up and gave me a sarcastic smile. "Thats sweet. You'll have to tell her. Oh wait, you can't. Because you've STUFFED EVERYTHING UP!" She fell back again.

"You are SO melodramatic." I complained. Then something hit me. "Wait...Wait wait wait wait wait!" I stood up. So close to jumping up and down and squealing like a girl. "You know how in that three way conversation that the three of us had, how you said you knew _both _of us?"

"Ooooh no."

"Oh YES! Alice! You can tell me her name!" I practically screeched.

She folded her arms. "Nope."

"Please?!" I begged.

"No! And like you said, you _probably _don't know her. So whats the point?"

"If I don't know her then why won't you tell me?" I challenged.

"I hate you." she moaned. "Why do you have to be so smart and debatey?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're smarter!" I assured her, sidling closer. "And wonderful and funny and pretty and you have the best fashion sense ever and..."

She stuck her fingers in her ears. "La la la la..."

I grabbed her wrists and yanked them so that her ears were free to listen. "And amazing and sweet and if you don't tell me her name I'm burning your wardrobe."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would _so _dare." We were such typical siblings.

She pouted. "But then, Eddie, we would have to say bye-byes to Mr Piano. How sad."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I'll make you a deal."

"Nope."

"You'll like this deal, Al. It involves a certain yellow car that Mom and Dad refuse to buy you. It's name is Porschey.........."

Her eyes lit up. "I'm listening."

I got straight to the point. "Tell me her name and I'll buy it for you."

She deliberated for a second then shook her head.

"Geez, Alice! Who the heck is it? You're turning down a _Porsche _for them?"

"Pretty much."

I was getting desperate. "Ok. Just tell me this one thing. Do I know her?"

"Yes."

"Do I know her...well?"

"Thats more than one thing." She grinned wickedly.

"I swear, I have matches in my pocket and if you don't tell me...."

"Fine!" she yelled, standing up. "Yes. You know her! You've spoken to her! You know her name! Can I go now."

I smiled kindly. "Yes, you may now leave my clutches."

She sniffed. "Thanks."

I grabbed a sheet of paper. This was so twelve year old but oh well...I made a list.

What I know about BSH

's a brunette.

2. She hates shopping.

3. I know her.

4 .I've talked to her.

5 .She also knows Alice. And Alice obviously likes her a lot, because she turned down a PORSCHE for her...

6. I'm kinda, sorta in love with her.

I glanced around to make sure nobody had seen that last one, then rubbed it out.

But man, oh man was it true.

BPOV

_He didn't love me._

_He didn't love me._

_He didn't love me._

That one thought kept spinning around in my head like a broken record.

_He didn't love me._

My eyes hurt. I had been crying for hours. Thank God Charlie was away on a fishing trip or he'd have put me in a mental hospital.

_He didn't love me._

There was a knock on the door. "Bella?" A familiar voice called. "Can I come in."

"Is your last name still Cullen?" I yelled back.

There was a pause while Alice thought for a moment. "I..I think so. But I'll marry Jazz in a few years so it'll...."

"Just come in, Alice." I buried my face under my pillow. Knowing Alice, she'd take on look at my eyes and demand to smear on all the mascara, eyeliner and eyeshadow she could find. _Then_ she'd ask me what was wrong.

"Aw, honey." I felt two little arms wrapped around me. "I know what happened." she whispered.

"Whatever you're thinking, Alice. You have it wrong." I mumbled.

"I just talked to Edward. He has no idea that it's you."

Oh. "You knew all along?"

"Pretty much. But, Bella. He does love y-..."

I shot my arm up so fast and covered her mouth with my hand. "No offense. But shut up."

_He _didn't _love me._

"He does!" she mumbled against my hand. "I'm serious, Bells! And I'm not just talking about over the internet either!"

"Yeah yeah..."

"I've been trying to tell you for seventeen years!"

"Yeah yeah." I repeated.

She grabbed my arm. "Come on."

I sat up. "No, Alice. I just want to..."

I was cut off by Alice's gasp of horror. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU EYES?!"

"You brother happened to my eyes."

_He didn't love me._

"Whatever. Go put on some make-up. We're going out."

I put my foot down. Literally. "No. I refuse to go anywhere."

She pointed her finger at me and had this really fierce expression on her face that said 'Don't mess with me'. "Listen." she said softly but dangerously. "I had this really good plan to get you guys together. It was a lot of work on my part but I was willing. All you two had to do was not tell each other who you were. But NOOOO! So dammit! I'm taking you out and you will have FUN Bella! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"

"Yes, m'am."

"Go get changed!" she ordered.

I ran to the bathroom. Damn she can be scary when she wants to be.

I came out a few minutes later dressed in the stupid skinny jeans Alice had bought me (Anything to soften her up a bit....). A black cardigan and (God help me) High heeled boots.

"I like the jeans but you're going to break a leg....." She nodded at my footwear, grinning. "And I love that."

"Thanks." I muttered.

"So where exactly are we going?" I asked as she did my make-up. I obviously couldn't go out with eyes like I had on me.

"Its a...Oh! I've got to call Jasper." She handed me the mascara. "Can you handle it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I think so."

She dialed some numbers and waited a second.

"Jazz? Its me."

….

"Part two of the plan is go. Part one sort of failed before it had a chance to begin."

…..

"Well, basically we just..lock them....I mean, um...Do what we discussed...without the whole 'them being lonely' thing."

…

"IT WILL WORK! I promise it will!"

…..

"Yeah. Ok. Love you. Bye."

"I'm not even going to ask." I murmured, trying not to stab myself in the eye.

Alice patted my head. "Smart girl."

*

"I feel sick." I muttered. "I can't believe you're making me do this."

"Bella.." she said sweetly. "All you're doing, is coming over to my house to hang out."

"Right." I got out of the car.

Alice grabbed my arm and led me inside. "Lets go to my room." she suggested.

Jasper was standing on the stairs looking far too innocent. "Hey, Bella." He put his hand on my shoulder and steering me in the direction of the main bathroom.

"Um, Alice's bedroom is that way." I said nervously.

"We know." They both said at the same time. Seriously, what were they? Robots?

"Guys..you're scaring me..." Jasper opened the door and they pushed me into the bathroom.

What. The. Hell?

A second later, the door was thrown open again and Edward staggered in.

My heart almost stopped. Sure, I had noticed how amazingly gorgeous he was before but...wow. Falling in love with him just put things in a whole new perspective....

That annoying little thought was still buzzing around.

_He didn't love me._

_He didn't love me_.

"Bella?" he asked incredulously. "Whats going on?"

_He didn't love me._

"I have no idea." I said acidly , sitting on the edge of the bath.

He tilted his head to one side. "Jazz and Alice said you had something to tell me. Something important."  
"I...I..uh..."

Alice's voice came from right outside the door. "And we're not letting you out until you tell him the _right _something.

Oh, God.

There was no way I could get out of this one.

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**Its all up to you...**


	7. The Confrontation

**Wow. Thats all I can say. And thank you. And sorry for not updating sooner. I won't hold you up. REEEAD!**

_Alice's voice came from right outside the door. "And we're not letting you out until you tell him the _right_ something._

_Oh, God._

_There was no way I could get out of this one._

EPOV

I turned to Bella who had gone very red in the face. "Well?"

"Nothing." she mumbled. "I have no idea what Alice is on about."

I put the lid down on the toilet and sat down. "You can tell me anything, Bella." I whispered, looking her straight in the eye.

She avoided my gaze. "There's nothing to tell."

"I'm not stupid. I know you well enough to know when something's wrong. And it's obviously something to do with me, otherwise Alice and Jazz wouldn't be playing cops and robbers with us."

She just picked up a bar of soap. "Strange colour this one.... Sort of...."

"Purple?"

"Yeah...." she put it down again and finally looked at me. "I'm not saying a thing, Edward. We can sit here all night. My mouth stays closed."

I groaned. "Oh come on Bella! I don't want to live in a bathroom! Sure, we'd be clean, but how are we meant to talk to our online buddies with out an internet connection?"

It was then that she burst into tears.

"Bells!" I gasped, rushing over and wrapping my arms around her. "Wh...what's wrong? Is this about the whole dating site thing? Did something happen with your guy? Was he mean to you? Tell me who he is! I'll straighten him out, ok?"

This only made her cry harder

"Please tell me what happened." I begged, pressing my lips to her hair. "I can't bear it, seeing you like this."

She hiccuped. "Y-y-you should've t-thought bout t-t-that before y-you went a-and..." she trailed off.

"What?" I didn't understand at all. Internet dating? Me? What did I do? Then it clicked. "Oh! Bella, I'm sorry, ok? I thought we went over this! It's just, everyone has different feelings about love, and I happen to think you can't fall in love with someone over the internet. I know you have and I think that's great. He's a lucky guy." I couldn't disguise the slight bitterness in my voice. As smitten as I was with BrunetteShoppingHater, I was still kind of jealous of this mysterious guy....

She took a step back and stared at me. "What the hell, Cullen?"

I raised my eyebrow. "This _is _about how, you know, you're offended because I don't believe in cyber-love. Right?"

She gave a short, hard laugh. "No. Well, yes. But not how you're thinking...Ugh." she sat down again. "I'm so confused."

"Me too." I admitted. "So, I have a solution. You're going to tell me exactly what's going on. Now."

She surprised me by screaming. "NO! OK? JUST, NO! I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!"

I threw my hands in the air, totally exasperated. Why did she have to be so damn difficult? "FINE! GO RUN AND TELL YOUR INTERNET BOYFRIEND YOU'RE SO IN LOVE WITH! EVEN THOUGH HE'S PROBABLY THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS! TELL HIM! DON'T WORRY ABOUT TELLING ME, I'VE ONLY BEEN YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS!"

"THATS A KIND OF HARD THING TO SUGGEST EDWARD! SEEING AS MY INTERNET BOYFRIEND THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME PERSON!"

My mouth dropped open. "What?"

But Bella wasn't ready to stop screaming yet. "YES, THAT'S RIGHT! I BET YOU'RE REALLY DISAPPOINTED HUH? _BRUNETTESHOPPINGHATER _ISN'T THE INCREDIBLE PERSON YOU THOUGHT! AND EVEN IF SHE....I WAS, YOU _STILL WOULDN'T LOVE ME! _DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID I FEEL RIGHT NOW?"

My head was spinning, I couldn't think with all the screaming, so I stuck my hand over her mouth. "Shhhh."

"EWERD!" she mumble-screamed against my hand, trying to pull it away.

"I am such an idiot." I breathed. She loved me. She thought I didn't love her, all because I had been to proud to admit I had fallen for someone over the internt. But really, I hadn't. I had fallen in love with someone in real life. Someone who had been here all along. It had just taken seeing her in a different light, with a stupid screen name, to realise it. "I am such an idiot." I repeated dreamily.

"YA FINK?"

I grinned. "I love you." I murmured. "I fell in love with _BrunetteShoppingHater _too. I just didn't want to admit it."

Her angry eyes softened a tiny bit. " 'eriously?"

I chuckled. "Yes. Seriously."

She glanced at my hand. "Um. Oo you 'ind?"

"Oh. Right." I freed her hand. "Sorry. I couldn't get you to shut up."

She cleared her throat. "I don't believe you."

"No, honestly. You were so loud, I could't hear myself th-"

"I mean about the whole 'you're in love with me thing." she explained. "I think you're trying to make me feel better. It's _so _the sort of thing you'd do."

I shook my head. "You're crazy. I'm not trying to make you feel better. I actually think I fell in love with you a long time ago. I just mistook it for liking you a whole lot."

She tilted her head to the side. "When you put it like that.... That's exactly what happened with me. Huh. Weird."

"Do you believe me now?" I asked hopefully.

She rolled her eyes but grinned. "Yeah. I think I do."

"In that case..." I walked slowly towards her. "We have alot to catch up on....."

She nodded. "Like, seventeen years of making out we missed."

"I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have made out in our baby years."

She slid her arms around my neck. "We can pretend."

Suddenly the door to the bathroom crashed open and Alice burst in. "Do you _have _to talk so quietly? I couldn't hear a....." she trailed off when she saw us, faces inches apart. "Oh! YAY! I did it! I did it! Yay!" she jumped around the room and clapped her hands.

Bella and I both glared at her and muttered. "You."

"She must be punished." I growled jokingly.

"Definetly." Bella agreed. "Got it." She stepped away from me. "We're still 'just friends', Alice."

My sister stopped mid-clap. "What?" she hissed dangerously.

"That was just a hug." Bella explained casually.

I caught on. "Oh yeah. We've decided we don't want to ruin our friendship by going all lovey dovey."

Bella nodded. "Yeah, but we've decided we're now going to be those types of friends who are like _always _touching." she linked her arm through mine. "And hugging and stuff."

Alice groaned and flopped onto the ground. "No! Don't DO this to me! PLEASE!"

I pressed my lips together and tried very hard not to look at Bella.

"Don't be silly Alice. Lets go Edward." she led me out to the hallway, Jasper was nowhere to be seen. Poor guy.

"Good work." I approved, leaning down to kiss her. "Torturing her is always fun..."

She pressed a finger to my lips. "We can't. If this is going to work, we're going to have to be good." she peered around us and whispered, "The walls have eyes."

"Fine." I muttered. "I don't know how long I'll last though..... I may have to whisk you away to some secluded island."

She patted my head. "You'll last. Now...." she grinned wickedly. "You wanna go get a cookie?"


	8. Chicken sticks anyone?

BPOV

"Aw, Edward!" I cooed, touching his nose. "You're so CUTE!"

He shook his head and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're cuter!"

"You're the best _friend_ EVER!"

Alice sniffed loudly.

"No YOU'RE the best _friend_ ever."

I giggled. "I love you...."

I heard a sharp, excited intake of breath coming from Alice's direction.

"...as a friend."

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Alice yelled, standing up.

The whole school cafeteria went silent.

She looked around, turned bright red and plopped back into her chair. After a few seconds the noise started up again.

"What was that about, Al?" I asked innocently, laying my head on Edward's shoulder. He laid his on top of my head.

"We've been back at school less than a day! People already think you're a couple!" she hissed."Usually, I'd be ecstatic, but do you _know _how frustrating it is to know that isn't true?!"

I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing, but didn't answer.

"VERY FRUSTRATING!"

Edward sat up straight and took a bite of apple. "Get over it Alice. We're friends. That's all we EVER will be."

"Argh!" She grabbed Jasper and stormed out, no doubt to plot her revenge.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I'm kinda pissed too actually."

"Huh? Why?" We didn't want to annoy Rose. _She _wasn't the one who forced us into a dating site thing, almost ruining our chances of happiness in the process.

She sighed. "_Anyone _can see you'd make an amazing couple. Alice is right to be annoyed. We're back to square one where we started. Annoying best friendshipness"

They had _no _idea.

"Yeah!" Emmett agreed loudly. "Can you guys just go out or whatever? Coz, when Alice is mad, it rubs off on everyone."

Edward shrugged. "I've been feeling pretty happy lately actually."

"Me too."

The bell rang and we all stood up. "I think I'm gonna find out what scheme Alice has up her sleeve." Rosalie said thoughtfully.

"I hope it involves chicken sticks. I have a craving...."

"Shut up, Emmett."

Edward and I walked to Biology in silence.

_The walls have eyes...._

A few minutes into the lesson, he shoved a crumpled piece of paper my way.

_Do you_ _think the plan _will_ involve chicken sticks?_

I grinned and turned the note over.

**God, I hope so. Chicken sticks sound great right now. I was too busy playing 'cute best friend' to eat anything much at lunch. **

_It was worth it. You succeeded, Cutie. But...I don't know how long I can go along with this. Newton's making eyes at you...._

**Oh come ON! You _really _think Mike Newton is a threat???**

_Doesn't stop me wanting to punch his lights out._

**Yeah, well.... Just deal with it, ok? I'm not quite done with Alice yet. *evil laugh***

_You ARE evil! I think I'm quite scared of you actually.... So what sort of time frame are we looking at for 'Operation Torture Alice'?_

**Just until she cracks and admits she has a problem. She needs to stop playing with other peoples love lives. It's unhealthy.**

_Alice? Admitting she has a problem? Alice? CRACKING??? Are you SURE we're talking about the same Alice here?_

I kicked him under the table.

_What? Just checking.... So how exactly are we going to get this 'Alice' you speak of, to crack?_

**Hey, YOU'RE the creative one in this 'friendship'. **

_You're the one who thought up this stupid plan!_

**I didn't _really_ think it up. It was a bit of a spur of the moment thing. Anyway, you weren't so apposed to it when she was suffering today at lunch! I quote, **"**You're the best _friend _ever!"**

_Ok, ok. Maybe we didn't quite think this through..._

**I guess not.... So, what do we do?**

_Elope?_

**Ok, I know you're joking, but you have no idea how good that sounds right now...**

_I love you. But, yeah. I was joking. Look, here's an idea. We STAY, and we come up with some kick ass plan to make Alice crack?_

**DIDN'T I JUST SUGGEST THAT???  
**_Yes...but it sounds better when I suggest it._

**Big Ego much?**

_You love it. So tonight, do you want t-_

The paper disappeared.

We both looked up slowly. Mr Banner was glaring down at us.

"I trust that these notes are about my lecture?"

I nodded, not daring to look at Edward.

"Ok, then if they're about biology, you won't mind me reading them aloud to the class?"

_Briiiiiiiiiiing!_

"Kay, bye!" I jumped up and started to gather up my books.

"Sit!" he barked.

I sat.

I felt Edward's hand grasp mine under the table. He was just as scared as I was.

Mr Banner cleared his throat. "And this one, class, I believe is from Mr Cullen. 'You love it...' Hmm, what does Miss Swan 'love' about Edward here, I wonder...?"

"What's NOT to love?" Lauren Mallory called out from the back of the class. "He's freaking sex on legs!"

I looked up at the teacher, shocked, expecting Mr Banner, a supposedly responsible man, to shout at her. He just smiled.

"There's more!" he announced. "Mr Cullen also says "So tonight do you want t-..."" He paused and raised an eyebrow. "Does she want to what, Cullen?"

"Hang out." Edward mumbled sheepishly.

"Sure!" I blurted out. "I'd love to hang out, Edward." Can we go now?

"Oh great!" Mr Banner squealed in a high pitched voice. Seriously, who got up on the wrong side of the bed TODAY!? "Can _I _come hang out too?"

"Oh I don't think you'll be too keen on the type of hanging out I have in mind..." Edward muttered, not quite quiet enough.

Mr Banner glared. "Actually, Cullen. I LOVE detention, which is where all three of us will be this afternoon. Doesn't that sound FUN?!"

"Yes, Sir." we mumbled in unison. Stupid teacher.....

"Great. Class dismissed."

I rolled my eyes at Edward as we walked out. "Next time, we use our _mouths _to talk, ok?"

*

Detention

Why did he have to sit Edward _directly _infront of me? It was seriously frustrating to have to look at the back of his head, never seeing his gorgeous eyes.

I snuck a glance at Mr Banner, who I was pretty sure had dozed off in his chair at the front of the room. Then I chucked I pencil at the back of Edward's head.

"Ouch?!" he turned around and saw me grinning like the idiot I was.

"Hi." I whispered, checking Banner. He stirred but his breathing became regular after a few seconds. "Teacher's asleep!"

Edward turned to the front and back again. "So he is. Your point?"

I ignored him. "So...what _were _we going to do this afternoon, before our plans were changed for us?"

He shrugged. "I figured we could find some place deep in the woods and FINALLY get that first kiss from you I've been wanting since I figured out I love you."

I checked the teacher one last time, then got up, quickly made my way over to Edward and threw myself onto his lap. "I feel like taking a risk." I swung one leg either side of his hip and twisted my fingers into his hair.

He caught up with the mood instantly. "Well, this _is _fairly risky." He tilted his nose so that it brushed lightly against my lips. "He could wake up any moment...."

I moved my forehead till it was pressed against his. "And I probably wouldn't stop kissing you even if he did."

"Neither. Would. I." He closed his eyes and started to slowly move his face forward.

It would've been the perfect kiss.

If only the detention room door hadn't burst open just as Edward's lips were about to meet mine.

If only a certain pixie's screaming hadn't been so loud.

If only Mr Banner hadn't woken up with a start.

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	9. Plan Performing Monkeys

**Two things.**

**1 Short Chap. Long one next time. Don't kill me. Please?**

**2 Dedicated to **_**crazyvampiregurl**___**Thanks for the idea!!! Mwa!**

**Previously....**

_If only the detention room door hadn't burst open just as Edward's lips were about to meet mine._

_If only a certain pixie's screaming hadn't been so loud._

_If only Mr Banner hadn't woken up with a start._

EPOV

Bella and I froze.

"I KNEW IT!" screamed Alice, dancing into the room. "Well, actually, I didn't, you had me totally fooled, but... I KNEW IT! HA!" She suddenly noticed Mr Banner. "Oh, hi Mr B. Funny story....."

I expected Mr Banner to yell, but he had gone pale. "D-did I fall asleep?"

The three of us nodded.

"W-well, lets not mention that little detail to anyone shall we?" he hurriedly collected up his work from the desk and stood up. "Detention is now over. You're free to go." He sprinted out of the room.

Alice giggled and sat down at a desk. "So...."

Bella suddenly stood up off my lap. "Ugh! Alice! You have the worst timing EVER! Just as Edward and I were about to have a 'experiment kiss' you had to barge in and stop us!"

_An experiment kiss?_

"An experiment kiss?"

Bella sighed dramatically. "Yes, Alice. We were sitting here talking about how you're always going on, saying we'd make a great couple. So we _thought _we'd try kissing each other, just to see if the chemistry was there."

Alice's mouth dropped open. "B-but....But you were...You were...."

"Just about to try when you barged in and stopped us." finished Bella sadly. She turned to me. "But the mood is kind of gone now, don't you agree Edward?"

I nodded dumbly. This girl was a genius.

Alice looked just about ready to cry. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!"

I stood up and slung my arm over Bella's shoulder. "You want to get out of here, dude?"

"DUDE?!" screeched Alice. "DUDE?! SHE IS NOT YOUR DUDE! SHE IS THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE! SHE IS YOUR SOUL MATE! NOT YOUR DUDE!" She banged her head down on the desk. "Ow."

Emmett chose that moment to saunter in, eating a large bucket of chicken sticks. "Did it work yet, Alice?"

"Plan 'Performing Monkeys' is no go Emmett." she mumbled rubbing her head.

"Why is your plan of spying on us in detention called 'Plan performing monkeys'?" Bella laughed.

Alice shook her head and winced. "No, I wasn't spying on you. I just happened to be passing by the detention room and saw you."

"So what's plan performing monkeys?"

Emmett came and sat on a desk. "Oh, well you see, Alice reckons that being together on stage is really romantic, so....."

Alice slapped him. Then her eyes lit up. "Plan PM could still work actually..... That's IT!"

Em bit into a chicken stick. "Admit it. I'm a genius."

My sister ignored him and turned to us with a huge grin on her face. "Edward, Bella. How would you two like to perform in a little show....?"

Bella started to run towards the door but Alice grabbed her ear. "Let me rephrase that. Edward, Bella. I've signed you up for a talent quest. This Friday. No, but's, no's or can't's."

"But. No. Can't." Bella yelled.

Alice sighed. "I see that I am going to have to do this the hard way."

I gulped. "Does this involve the death of my piano?"

"Or my truck?" Bella squeaked, trying to free her ear.

Alice shook her head. "No. But it involves the death of both of you. In the form of a shopping spree."

"I'm in the show!"

I turned to stare at Bella and she shrugged.

"Well I'm not scared of you." I told Alice.

"Yeah...." she smirked. "But you _are _scared of Esme when she's mad. And she's already bought tickets."

I groaned. "I'm in." For there was nothing that scared me more, than Esme when she's unhappy. Or worse....Disappointed. Shudder.

"Yay!" Alice released Bella's ear. "This is great. I've picked you out your first song. You're the opening and closing act."

"WE HAVE TO GO ON STAGE TWICE!?"

"You know, there's this really cool shop filled with the most revealing, expensive...."

Bella smiled. It looked more like a grimace. "Two performances sounds like fun."

"That's what I thought you said." Alice said sweetly. "Anyway, as I was saying. I picked out your song for the closing act. But I'm letting you two pick the opening one."

"I can't sing?" Bella tried.

Alice ignored her. We had all heard Bella singing in the shower. She was amazing.

"What's the song you picked out?" I asked calmly. I knew it was best never to mess with Alice. Just go with what she orders, and you might just live to tell the tale.

"Not telling." she replied breezily.

Bella gasped. "But how will we know the WORDS?!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "It's a song you know, silly. You both know it off by heart."

I tried to think of all the songs we both knew. There were too many.

"So, pick a song. Practice, practice, practice. Don't worry about wardrobe, obviously. And...have fun!" She stood up, slapped Emmett a high five and walked out.

I glanced over at Bella who was looking extremely frightened.

Emmett but his lip and held out the KFC box. "Um...Chicken stick?"


	10. Song Searching

**Dun dun dun. Warning: Alice has a plan. **

**Yes. _Again._**

APOV

"Blue or Gold for the talent quest posters?" I asked Jazz who was reading a book on my bed.

He stood up and walked over to the computer. "Uh...Gold?"

I nodded seriously and pressed print. "This is _so _going to work." I grinned. "I can feel it."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "And if it doesn't? I don't want you getting all depressed if Bella and Edward just do the performance and nothing happens."

"Trust me." I assured him. "By the end of the week, our two friends will be blissfully in love. And I'm not just relying on the talent show either. I have _another _plan!"

Jasper groaned. "Alice! Thats like the fourth one this _week_! Stop!"

I shook my head and laughed. "You worry too much! This one is great. Listen to this!"

I filled him in on the plan.

He sighed. "I hope you know what you're doing, Al. This could backfire horribly."

She bit her lip. "It won't, ok?" Then she smiled. "Phase one is go." She pulled out her phone and started to text.

EPOV

"Who knew picking out a song would be this hard." I muttered flipping through Bella's CD collection. She was scanning my Ipod.

"Tell me about it." she muttered. "If I'm going onstage with you I'd rather do a romantic song, one that describes how I feel about you. But I don't want to give too much away to..."

"Alice." I finished. "I know. But it'd also be fun to do a really unromantic, heavy metal song just to piss her off."

"Or a really awful breakup song." she giggled. "I wonder what song Alice picked out for us to sing at the end...."

"Probably one about how perfect we are for each other." I laughed. "Or one about how much we adore pixies."

Suddenly Bella's phone vibrated and she flipped it open. "Speak of the devil..." She motioned for me to come read it."

To: **Bella**

From: **Alice**

_This is to both of you seeing as you're always together. You can't see, but right now I'm rolling my eyes. Anyway, since you're still 'single' I'm putting you both back on the dating site. Don't even bother arguing. Love ya xxx_

We both groaned and Bella dialed Alice's number.

"Hi." she muttered. "Yes we got your text." she pressed a button that put it on speaker.

"...because there really isn't any reason for you not to go back on. I mean you're both still single. Right?"

"Yes." we both mumbled.

"Good." she sounded triumphant.

"That doesn't mean we're doing it." I pointed out. "I'd rather go out with someone normally." I squeezed Bella's hand. "And besides, look how everything turned out last time." Brilliantly...

"I don't really care what you think." Alice sang in a opera voice. "Oh, by the way, we're putting on photos this time."

"No we are not." snapped Bella fiercely. "I don't want some old man perving at me."

"Agreed." No one looked at Bella except me. Ok, maybe that was a bit overboard but....

I heard Alice sigh. "You really underestimate me. I know your passwords and I'm uploading photos as we speak."

"You're bluffing!" I blurted out.

"Your password is Edward1." Alice said calmly. "How original."

"Great." said Bella quickly. "Bye Al-..."

"Wait, what's Bella's?" I asked cautiously. She could just know mine...

"The same as yours." Alice giggled.

I looked at Bella incredulously. "Really? Your password is Edward1?"

She blushed and nodded.

"Aw. You're having a moment!" Alice cooed. "That's so sweet. Now, Edward, move a little closer, just until your faces are a few inches apart. Then Bella, knot your fingers in his hair and wrap your legs around his waist....."

"Shut up Alice." We both growled.

She laughed. "No harm in trying! Now get on that site! Mwa!" She hung up.

"No point arguing with Alice." Bella sighed getting up and turning on the computer.

"Although...." I snaked my arms around her waist. "A few things I wouldn't argue _too _hard with..."

She giggled, turned around and knotted her fingers in my hair. "Like this...?"

I nodded "And like..." I closed my eyes moved my face closer. "...this."

Then her phone rang.

"Why?" I groaned as we jumped apart in surprise. "Why does this keep happening?"

Bella looked at who was calling and rolled her eyes. "It's been less than two minutes. What could she possibly want this time? Hello?"

It was still on speaker. "You haven't gone on the site yet, have you?"

"My computer hasn't even started up yet!" yelled Bella down the phone. "Goodbye!"

I sighed. "Is murder still illegal?"

"Stuff the law." muttered Bella. "I'm killing her anyway."

BPOV

"That's such an ugly photo of me." I complained twenty minutes later.

Edward stared at me. "You're crazy. Gorgeous, but crazy."

I ignored him. "She put a good photo of you up." I clicked onto it again. Now _that _was gorgeous. I was definitely going to be printing that out when he was gone. "I'm kind of pissed off about that actually. Heaps of girls will be staring at it....." Pretty girls. Girls _worthy _of him.

He nudged me playfully. "Jealous?"

I pouted. "Yes." Then I pointed to the screen. "Oh! I've got a request!"

"_JamesTheGreat _must die." Edward muttered darkly staring at the guys profile.

Likes: Classical music, reading and cooking.

Dislikes: Mean people, girls in high heels and sports.

"Ohmygosh!" I gasped. "He likes exactly the same things I do!"

Edward's face fell. "Great. The guy of your dreams."

"Is sitting right beside me." I crawled onto his lap. "Who's the jealous one now?"

"Me." He admitted. "Are you going to accept this James guy who is apparently great?"

I clicked accept. "Yes. He's probably a really nice guy. It'd be nice to make new friends through the site of evil."

"Ok." he mumbled. "But if he even _tries _to flirt...."

"I'll tell him I'm not interested."

He chuckled. "I was thinking more along the lines of me hitting him. Hard. But I guess your way could work..."

I smiled at his jealousy. It was adorable. As if Edward had _anything _to be jealous about. "Do you want to keep searching for the "perfect opening song" now?"

He nodded and stood up. "Have we decided on heavy metal or romance?"

"I'm not so good at the head banging stuff..." I muttered.

"Ok..." Edward turned on the radio and flopped down onto my bed. I picked up the Ipod again.

"Mariah Carey?"

He laughed. "No thank you."

I tried again. "Britney Spears?"

Edward started to hum 'Oops I did it again'. "Will you wear a really really tight top and a mini skirt?"

"Will you?"

"Touche."

"Uhhh..." I kept scrolling. "Jesse McCartney?"

"I'd rather stick pins in my eyes."

"Oooo!" I squealed. "Can we do 'Good Morning Baltimore' from Hairspray?"

"But we don't _live _in Baltimore."

I shook my head sadly. Guys. They just didn't understand musicals.

"Backstreet boys?"

A pillow came flying through the air and hit me on the head.

"I'll take that as a no..."

**I _think _I have the songs I want them to do, but if anyone has any suggestions, I'm TOTALLY open to them. TOTALLY! Just review or PM me or whatever. Xx Review please. It makes me update faster.**


	11. Emmett and Edward: Vampires?

BPOV

_JamesTheGreat: _This is incredible! We have so much in common!

He wasn't kidding. The Likes/Dislikes similarities were just the beginning. I had been talking to James for a couple of weeks now and he was so cool! I could completely see he and I becoming great friends. I'd also had a few new friend requests apart from James: _PaulDog, Bloodthirsty _and _Marcus18_. _Marucs18 _and Ialso had a lot in common as well, I'd talked to him several times.

We just didn't have the same....connection that James and I had.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _I couldn't agree more. Maybe we're really twins. Separated at birth or something. Ha ha.

_JamesTheGreat: _I hope not. That would mean me liking you this much is really creepy and wrong.

I bit my lip. I was unsure of whether to tell James about Edward so he wouldn't think I wanted to be more than friends. Then again, if I did tell him, it could get back to Alice (Trust me, that girl has a way of finding these things out) and that would stuff up everything.

So I changed the subject.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Soooo... Do you like anyone at your school?

_JamesTheGreat: _What? Oh, no. No girlfriend. Totally unattached. Unless of course you want to ch-

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _I've gotta go.

_JamesTheGreat: _Oh God. I've weirded you out haven't I? I'm coming on too strong right? Dammit. I always do this. No wonder I don't have a girlfriend.

Uh oh. I had made him feel bad. That was the last thing I wanted to do!

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _James! Don't think like that! The right girl just hasn't come along yet.

_JamesTheGreat: _You think so?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _I _know _so!

"Bella?" My favourite voice in the world called from downstairs. "I knocked twice but it was open so I let myself in." His tone was suddenly anxious. "Are you ok? Did you fall down again?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm fine Edward. In my room."

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Ok, I've REALLY got to go. Talk to you soon?

_JamesTheGreat: _I can't wait. Xoxo

I logged off and flicked onto a random website before spinning around on my computer chair to face the door.

It wasn't that I didn't want Edward to see me chatting to James... It was just that...

Ok. That was exactly it. I _didn't _want Edward to see me chatting to James.

But I was only hiding it because I _knew _Edward would overreact. He wouldn't _say _anything, but I knew what he would be thinking.

_Why is Bella on the dating site with some guy when she has me? Am I not good enough for her?_ _Has she moved on? Doesn't she want me anymore? _

Then he would probably start hyperventilating and/or dump me.

PLUS if he read the sort of flirty stuff James was saying to me he'd probably give him a firm talking to.

Yes. THAT kind of firm talking to. The very very 'firm' kind.

"Hi." Edward greeted me as he walked through the door.

"Hey." I replied, taking his hand and squeezing it. "I missed you."

He laughed. "You saw me at school..." He checked his watch. "Less than four hours ago. I'm pretty sure-..." His eyebrows went up when he saw the computer screen. "Why are you searching rituals on turning yourself into a vampire?"

I felt a blush creep over my cheeks. I really should've paid more attention on which website I was flicking onto. Now I would have to pretend to be a creepy emo vampire wannabe.

"Uh... It's kinda fascinating to me." I lied grabbing my mouse and pressing the escape button. Unfortunately my ancient computer had frozen.

Edward started to read over my shoulder. "Step one, light seven red candles and arrange them in a circle..."

I kept pressing the escape button manically over and over.

"N-next," Edward spluttered, obviously trying not to laugh. "Lie in the middle of the circle and chant 'All the sea water, all of hell's fire, I want to be a bloodthirsty vampire'."

I kicked the hard drive as hard as I could and the screen turned off. I turned to Edward sheepishly.

"T-that's very," -Cough, splutter-snort- "Interesting, Bella." He had tears in his eyes as a result of repressed laughter. "Will you excuse me a moment?" He sprinted out of the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Then the hysterical whoops of laughter started.

"Jerk." I muttered fondly.

EPOV

"We're going to give her hell right?" Emmett asked devilishly, rubbing his hands together as we walked into the cafeteria.

I grinned and nodded. "Absolutely." Bella might be something more than a friend to me now, but I'll never get tired of teasing her. Especially about something like this. "Just follow my lead ok?"

We made our way over to the table where the rest of our friends were seated.

I smirked at Bella. "Hi."

She completely ignored me as she had done since she'd kicked me out of her house the previous afternoon for laughing at her new vampire fascination.

Alice and Rosalie chatted about some new store opening for a few minutes before Rose noticed that Emmett hadn't touched his food.

"Are you sick?" she demanded pointing to his burger.

He subtly winked at me, then turned back to Rose. "No." He replied in a raspy voice. "And you should be happy I'm not hungry today." He stared at her and licked his lips.

She raised an eyebrow. "What. The. Hell? Are you trying to be all kinky again, Em?"

"No!" He cried, going red.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

I cleared my throat. "So...I threw out my bed last night."

Alice gave me a puzzled look. "No you di-"

"And I bought a coffin." I continued, watching Bella's reaction. Which was nothing. She just kept calmly eating her chicken salad, completely at ease. "And as you may have noticed, I've stopped eating."

"You're kind of weird..." Jasper murmured, taking a bite of his garlic bread.

Emmett and I gasped simultaneously.

"Ahhh! Noooo!" Emmett fell off his chair and started to writhe around on the floor earning some very strange looks from tables the surrounded us. "Not the...GARLIC!"

I gagged and clasped my hands around my throat. "I'm meeeelting!"

Bella was still ignoring us. She stood up. "I'm going to buy a drink. Anyone want anything?"

I stopped gagging and grabbed her wrist, grinning. "Yes!" I hissed in a deep voice. "I vant your blood little girl!"

She stuck her tongue out and stormed off to buy her drink.

I sighed happily and kicked Emmett lightly. "It's over, Em. You can stop now."

He smiled and sat back down in his chair. "That was fun. I enjoyed being a vampire."

"Do I even want to know?" Asked Alice disgustedly.

I shook my head. "Trust me. You don't."

Bella returned a moment later with a bottle of lemonade. "Are you two done with being idiots and poking fun at me now?"

I elbowed her playfully. "You know I'll never get tired of poking fun at you, chum." I threw in the chum bit for Alice's benefit.

It worked too. She winced slightly. "So have you decided on your song for the show yet?"

I groaned. This song thing was turning out to be so so hard!

"Not yet."

"Well you'd better have decided soon. Or I'll slaughter you both." She threatened menacingly. Then her voice turned angelic. "And that would be _such _a shame as I've already planned your wedding."

Bella muttered something about becoming a nun.

"Speaking of marriage," Rosalie began. "Alice tells me you're both back on the dating site. How exciting!"

"What does the dating site have to do with marriage?"

Rose snorted. "With Alice, who knows?!"

My sister placed her hand over her heart. "I'm choosing to take that as a compliment."

Ah, the dating site. I hated that thing.

It was so unnecessary too! All these girls had been requesting and flirting with me when the only one I wanted was Bella. I accepted their requests but always pretended to be offline whenever any of them wanted to talk.

If only I could say the same for Bella. I knew for a fact she had been talking to this guy named _JamesTheGreat _and some other one called _Marcus18. _James was the one I was truly worried about though.

The first time they had chatted I had been in the room. He was very...._forward_. Wanting to know all about her family, hobbies and stuff. Bella insisted that he was simply 'friendly'.

Either way, I was jealous as hell.

"Not much to tell." Bella murmured.

"You must have met _someone_." Alice said slyly, and I'm sure I saw her wink at Jasper for some reason I couldn't imagine.

She shrugged. "Yeah, a couple of people. No one special."

Alice scowled. "What about you Edward?"

I shook my head. "Same as Bella. I've met people, no one has stood out though."

My sister's frown deepened and she muttered something that sounded like 'We'll see about that'.

We were all silent for a moment. Bella started humming a song that sounded familiar. I couldn't quite place it though...

"Bella?"

She looked up curiously. "Yes?"

"What song where you just humming?"

"I-" She broke off and her eyes lit up at the exact same time I remembered the name of the song.

"IT'S PERFECT!" We both yelled in unison.

Emmett jumped at our outburst and reached for another piece of Jasper's garlic bread. "It's good." He admitted, glancing down at the bread skeptically. "But I wouldn't call it perfect."

**REVIEW PLEASE! Or in the words of Alice... 'I'll slaughter you!' But...yeah...I haven't planned your wedding or anything. BUT if you WANT me too, the price is...ONE REVIEW! *evil laugh***


	12. Biology happens to be VERY romantic

BPOV

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T COMING TO DATE NIGHT?!"

"Exactly that." said Edward calmly.

Alice's face was close to purple. "You're doing this purposely aren't you?" she hissed. "You're just scared that the romantic vibes will get to you, you'll fall in love on the couch and I'll WIN!"

I snorted. "Alice, we've been going to these nights together since we were twelve. If we're going to crack under the 'romantic vibes' I think we would have by now."

"ARGH!" she screamed. I didn't dare look at Edward. I could feel him shaking with laughter on the couch beside me.

"So _what_," she asked dangerously. "Are you planning on doing instead." Her eyes suddenly lit up. "Are you getting a room?!"

I rolled my eyes. "We're doing a Biology assignment."

Her face clouded over again. "How fun."

"It will be." insisted Edward. "In fact," he grabbed his jacket off the Cullen's dining room table. "We should get going. We have a lot to do." He held out his hand an pulled me off the couch. We started to head towards the door.

"Eh..We.." Alice spluttered, watching us go. "See if I care!" she called after us. "Biology happens to be very romantic. THIS IS PRACTICALLY A DATE!"

*

I threw my Bio book down on my bedroom floor. "If I read the word 'onion' or 'root' one more time, I swear I will scream." I complained.

Edward grinned and did the same. "I couldn't agree more."

I rolled over on my bed and flicked on my stereo. The song Edward and I had picked out for the talent show blasted from the last time we were practicing. "I can't get over how perfect this song is. It's going to piss off Alice so much."

"I can't wait for Friday." Edward sighed. "I mean, not only do I get to piss my sister off, but I also get to make her the happiest girl in the world."

"We're not going to announce that we're together on stage though, right?" I made a face. I wanted our relationship to public after the talent show, but not _that _public.

"No." Edward assured me. "I've got it all planned out."

I rolled my eyes. "Of _course _you do."

He ignored me. "We do the show, Alice is bound to make some comment about how 'cute' we looked up there. How we had such 'chemistry'..."

I giggled. "And then we go, 'Oh, did we forget to tell you? The chemistry is real. We're madly in love. Sorry we didn't mention it, it never came up'."

"Exactly." he approved. "Now," he gestured to the books. "We should get back to work."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Party pooper."

We worked quietly for a few minutes. Suddenly Edward groaned. "Ugh! I forgot all that research I printed out yesterday! I left it at home."

"Crap." I muttered, trying to think of a way we could complete the project without it. There really was no way. I smirked. "You're going to have to go get it."

"Noooo!" he moaned. "I _can't_! Alice will have me for breakfast!"

"You'll just have to sneak into the house, very quietly, get the research and sneak out again." I said, trying very hard not to snicker at his horrified expression.

"Not by myself!" he whined. "Can you come with me?"

I held up my hand infront of me. "No. No way. This mission is all yours, buddy."

He pouted. "Bel-la!"

"Ed-ward!" I mimicked.

"Please?"

I laughed. "Don't give me that look. This is _Alice _we're talking about. She scares me way more than your 'half dead, half constipated kitten' look."

He rolled his eyes and stood up with his head held high. "It was _supposed _to be puppy dog eyes."

I didn't stop laughing until long after his Volvo had pulled out of my driveway.

I tried to work with what we had for a few moments until the sound of my computer beeping broke my concentration.

I was a conversation box from the dating site.

I jumped up eagerly and rushed over to my computer. It had to be either _Marcus18 _or _JamesTheGreat_. I knew which one I hoped it was.

_JamesTheGreat: _Hey Bells, you there?

I smiled to myself. He had taken to calling me Bells. I didn't think he even realised it. It was very sweet.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Hi, James! What's up?

_JamesTheGreat: _I was just thinking....Do you think we could....meet? Like, go out for dinner or something?

I froze.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Like.....A date?

_JamesTheGreat: _Sure, if you want to....

It was time to tell him about Edward. Screw Alice. I couldn't lead James on like this.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _I need to tell you something. I should have told you a long time ago. James, I have a boyfriend.

_JamesTheGreat: _Of course you do.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _What do you mean?

_JamesTheGreat: _All the pretty, funny, smart girls are taken.

I bit my lip, feeling rather choked up.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _I'm sorry.

_JamesTheGreat:_ Don't apologise, Bella. You have a boyfriend. It's not a crime. I still would really like to meet you though.

Ok, ok. I _knew _about the dangers of the internet. I _knew _that there were psychopaths out there that prayed on innocent young girls like me.

But James wasn't one of those psychos! He was kind and sweet and understanding.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Me too. Hey, my schools having a talent show on Friday. I'm in it. Come!

_JamesTheGreat: _I get to see you on stage!? That's so cool! But can we meet afterwards round back or something?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Why?

_JamesTheGreat: _I guess, I want us meeting for the first time to be just us. Not a whole lot of hypo high school kids bouncing around.

Oh. That made sense.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Couldn't agree more.

Then I gave him all the details.

I couldn't wait for Friday.

EPOV

"Slowly....slowly..." I murmured to myself as I tiptoed down the hallway. "Please God, don't let Alice hear me..."

I heard laughter coming from the living room. Date night was obviously in full swing.

"You _paid _someone to flirt with Bella over the internet?" I heard Rosalie exclaim.

I froze, quickly tiptoed over to the door and pressed my ear against it.

Alice giggled. "Yup. It's all part of my master plan to get our two friends together."

"I _thought _she sounded very defensive when you asked her if she had met anyone over the site."

"Who is it?" Asked Emmett curiously.

I could almost see Alice tapping the side of her nose. "Just an old buddy of mine."

"Ooo, you have connections." Rose teased lightly. "But, Al, be careful ok? What if Bella falls for him or something?" She gasped. "What if _he _falls for her?"

"I've given him rules." Alice assured her. "I've told him she's practically taken. He;s perfectly harmless anyway. The point is, Edward gets jealous when he sees my guy flirting with her, he admits his true feelings for Bella and YAY! We live happily ever after."

I sighed happily. I _should _have been feeling furious, but I actually felt relieved. James was nothing more than a actor.

I had nothing to worry about.

APOV

Ugh. I _so _couldn't wait until Edward and Bella were together. Four was such a....annoying number. You couldn't have much fun with just two couples. Three would be so much fun.

And it was all going to work out thanks to my amazing plan.

Hiring _Marcus18 _was the best idea I ever had.

?POV

It was all going better than I expected.

Stupid girl. Didn't anyone ever tell her how dangerous the internet could be?


	13. SHOWTIME!

BPOV

_Marcus18: _So, got any plans for the weekend? Apart from the talent show?

I blinked at the computer screen, trying to remember when I had told Marcus about the talent show. If my memory was correct, it had been James I had told about tonight...

Yup. Definetly James. He was the one I was going to be meeting behind the school hall as soon as the show was over. I got butterflies just thinking about it. What if he hated me?

Then again, the butterflies had been constantly in my stomach since about Wednesday. I had actually felt sick this morning, so I had gotten up super early and flicked my computer on, hoping to chat with someone, anyone, to take my mind off the stupid talent show this evening.

Marcus had been quite good at distracting me.

Until now.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _When did I tell you about the show?

_Marcus18: _Oh...uh, a friend of mine goes to your school. She told me about it.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Oh, what's her name?

I would hunt her down and kill her. The last thing I needed was people spreading the word and the whole town arriving.

Then again, if the whole town _did _arrive we probably still wouldn't fill all of the seats...

_Marcus18: _Al-...Alison.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Alison? I haven't heard of her. And I thought I knew everyones name in the school!

_Marcus18: _She's new. Really new. So...what song are you doing tonight?

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Oh, its awesome! My boyf- My boy partner...He's my partner in the show and he's a boy. Yeah. Well we found the PERFECT song, it's-

"Bella!" Charlie called from upstairs. "Do you have any idea what time it is? School starts in twenty minutes!"

I looked down. I was still in my pajamas.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: _Gottagotalksoonbye.

I logged off and sprinted to the bathroom to take the quickest shower in the history of the world.

*

"Crap, crap, crap!" I muttered to myself as I parked my car and half walked, half ran across the parking lot. It was completely deserted. "Crap, crap, crap!"

I opened the door to my English classroom as quietly as I could, inwardly cursing my computer and the power it had over me to make me lose track of time.

"Miss Swan," Mr Mason said in a disapproving voice. "Is there a reason you are late?" He spat the word late like it was a dirty word, which in his book it probably was.

God. Teachers.

"No, Sir." I murmured, staring at the floor.

"I _would _give you a detention..." his voice suddenly because light. "But that would mean you wouldn't be able to participate in tonight's talent show and I am rather looking forward to seeing you perform..."

I could practically feel the little light bulb above my head go 'ding!' and flick on.

"Hey, Mr Mason," I tried to sound sad, yet accepting. "Please don't feel the need to excuse me from my punishment because of some _show_." I heard a sharp intake of breath come from down the back.

Damn. I forgot that Alice was in my class. Oh well, too late now.

Mr Mason grinned. "Usually I'd agree with you, Miss Swan, but like I said, I'm very much looking forward to hearing you sing you little song tonight..."

"Two songs!" Alice held two fingers up, smiling hugely.

I glared at her and she lowered her hands.

"...So I'll let you off the hook just this once." finished Mr Mason. "Now take your seat."

I scowled and went to sit beside Satan in heels.

EPOV

"I so thought he'd give me detention!" Bella muttered. "I practically _asked _him to give me one. But nooo! He had to be all good natured about it." She threw down her fork. "Stupid teacher."

I put my arm around her shoulders, trying not to laugh at her pout. "You did the best that you could."

"Too bad her best wasn't good enough!" Alice sang, sitting down opposite us and taking in the position Bella and I were in. "Arm around shoulders..." She muttered to herself with a little cackle to follow. "...It's not much, but it's definitely a start. My plan is working!"

"Shut up, Alice." Bella hissed. "Or I'll refuse to participate tonight."

But my sister's grin stayed in place. "Oh, you can't do that. You signed the contract. No backing out."

"Contract?" I echoed. "We never signed any contract."

She dug in her bag and pulled out a laminated piece of paper. "See for yourself..."

Bella tore it out of Alice's hand and we both scanned it.

_I, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen agree to take part in the Forks High Talent Show, this Friday night in the school hall. We agree to sing an opening song of our choice and a closing song (we will only find out what this song actually _is_ when the music for it starts playing for us to perform). We agree to sing to the best of our ability and if we don't, Alice Cullen has the right to harm us in ways we had no idea existed._

_Signed:_

And written underneath was my exact signature and also Bella's.

"This....this isn't possible!" Bella stuttered. Then she gasped and stared at Alice. "You _drugged _us didn't you?! You drugged us, then tricked us into signing that!"

Alice rolled her eyes and placed the contract back into her schoolbag. "Don't ridiculous, Bella! I merely forged your signatures perfectly."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe you, Alice!"

"I can." Bella growled.

Alice ignored us. "I trust you have your songs ready for tonight?"

I blinked. "Uh...Yes. Bella and I are having one final rehearsal straight after school before the show starts."

"A very quick rehearsal. Remember, you have to be in the hall at five for make-up costume and last minute schedule check."

"Oh," I nudged Bella. "That reminds me. I have to check if it's still ok with Mr Harris is we use the music room this afternoon." Is stood up. "I'll be back in a minute."

Bella shot me a furious look. "Don't you dare leave me with the evil pixie!" she mouthed.

Ha. This was what she got for forcing me to sneak into the date night headquarters the other evening.

"Bye." I winked at her and started towards the music room. She'd be fine. Alice wouldn't _eat_ her or anything.

Right?

BPOV

"So, Bella." Alice smiled knowingly as we watched Edward walk away. "Met anyone interesting on the dating site yet?"

I rolled my eyes. "You asked me this the other day. The answer is still no."

She raised her eyebrows at me. "Are you sure that's the truth Bella? There's no point lying to your dear friend Alice."

I felt my face heat up. She knew something. It was obvious. "I'm telling the truth." Argh. I was such a bad liar!

"I know about him!" She blurted out.

"I don't know what you're talking ab..."

"If you don't admit it I'll tell Edward!"

Damn. She was good. "Ok fine!"

She squealed. "Eeee!"

"How did you know?" I demanded.

"I'm a friend of his." She explained. Oh my God! She knew James? This was huge! She leaned towards me across the tabled. "So, how do you _feel _about him?"

"He's a friend." I mumbled.

"Are you going to meet him?" She demanded.

I sighed. Time to spill. "Yes. He's coming to the show tonight. I'm meeting him out back afterwards." I held up a finger to stop her speaking. "And before you ask, no you cannot come."

She snorted. "Like I'd come. I wouldn't want to ruin the moment. But, huh. I wonder why he didn't tell me he was meeting you...."

"Why would he?" I asked, confused. "He doesn't know that you know me."

She blushed and looked down. "Of course. Yeah."

I narrowed my eyes. There was something Alice wasn't telling me. I didn't have time to dwell on it though. The bell rang and my stomach flipped.

In only a matter of hours, SHOWTIME!

*

"I'm so nervous." I muttered, peeking out from behind the curtain, then wishing I hadn't. "Do you _know _how many people there are out there?" I squeaked to Edward who was standing behind me.

"Heaps?" He guessed.

I nodded weakly.

Alice skipped up to us. "You're on in one minute. Nervous?"

I groaned and leaned against Edward. He patted my head and chuckled.

"This is so exciting!" She gushed, then she became serious again. "Right, go stand to the left of the stage and when I say the word, the music to your 'mystery opening song' will start and you'll go on. Ok?" But before I had a chance to scream 'NO!' she had bounded through the curtains and was talking to the crowd.

"I'm going to be sick." I whispered.

Edward wound his fingers through mine. "You're _going_ to to great."

"....and will you all please put your hands together for our opening act, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan!" Thunderous applause sounded and I bit my lip.

"We're up." Edward whispered.

"Oh no." was all I had time to say before the music started and he led me to the center of the stage.


	14. The Forks High Talent Show

**Ok. So, I KNOW how ANNOYING these chapters are. I KNOW how no-one can ever be bothered reading the lyrics through, but if you could just like, skim read, that's be great. Because I'm pretty sure all these lyrics are all really amusing. He he.**

**ENJOY THE SHOW, EVERYBODY!**

**Previously:**

"_....and will you all please put your hands together for our opening act, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan!" Thunderous applause sounded and I bit my lip._

"_We're up." Edward whispered._

"_Oh no." was all I had time to say before the music started and he led me to the center of the stage._

BPOV

I felt Edward's lips brush against my ear. "We'll be fine." He whispered.

I merely squeaked in response.

The music to our first song started to play and I started to hyperventilate. What the hell were we thinking? Hannah Montanna? What if they thought we actually liked her!? Not _everyone _was going to get this joke!

Thank God Edward's line was first. I had about three seconds to concentrate on not having a seizure.

_We sign our cards and letters BFF  
You've got a million ways to make me laugh_

Just hearing Edward sing a Miley Cyrus song, in _his _voice, just about had me cracking up.

Ok, my turn. Breathe Bella. Breathe and sing....

**You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back  
It's so good to have you around**

Edward winked at me and sung:

_You know the secrets I could never tell  
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell_

"Yeah, as if he's _ever _quiet." I said into the microphone, causing the crowd to laugh.

Huh. I was actually kind of liking this.

**Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell  
Cause you keep my feet on the ground**

And now for the chorus. I didn't dare look at Alice and we sung this together....

_**You're a tru-u-u-ue FRIEND!**_

We pretty much screamed the 'FRIEND!'.

_You're here till the end**  
**_**You pull me aside****_  
_**_When something ain't right__**  
**_**Talk with me now and into the night****_  
_**_'Til it's alright again__**  
You're a true FRIEND!**_

"They're so dead." A voice I would recognise (and be scared of) anywhere hissed from the wings.

And I didn't even care. I was having too much fun.

_You don't get angry when I change the plans_  
**Somehow you're never out of second chances**  
_Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again_

"And she's wrong a lot." Edward teased. Meh. I guess I deserved that after my last little comment.

**I'm so lucky that I've found...**

_**A tru-u-u-ue FRIEND!**_

_You're here till the end**  
**_**You pull me aside****_  
_**_When something ain't right__**  
**_**Talk with me now and into the night****_  
_**_'Til it's alright again__**  
You're a true FRIEND!**_

We sang the rest of the verses (All about what great FRIENDS we were), then finished, pounding fists.

This was, apparently, what made Alice crack.

"ALRIGHT!" She just about shouted into the microphone. "_Thank you_." She glared and motioned for us to get off the stage.

We snickered and Edward jumped off the stage and held out his arms for me to jump into. He lifted me off the stage and we went to take our seats in the audience.

"Told you we'd be fine." He whispered.

I nodded. "It was _actually _fun!"

"Ok, thank you Edward and Bella. That was very _funny_." Alice said through gritted teeth. "Next up we have Rosalie Hale singing...._If you can afford me_." The audience applauded as Rose walked on stage, dressed in tiny shorts and a a low cut top.

I couldn't help wondering how Emmett felt about his girlfriend looking like this infront of a huge crowd with guys in it...

_If you want me, a cherry on top  
The pick of the pack, the crème de la crop  
If you want me you better  
Do better than that tonight, oh, oh_

My jaw dropped.

_If you want me, it takes more than a wink  
And more than a drink, more than you think  
If you want me you're gonna  
Have to break the bank tonight_

_'Cause some don't have the patience  
Some call me high-maintenance  
But you pay the bill, 'cause that's the deal_

"Ok, let me get this straight..." Edward hissed. "Rose is a prostitute?"

_If you wanna ride, just name your price_

"Oh my god!" shouted Mike Newton from down the back. "I wanna ride!"_  
And don't play cheap with your heart  
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check for me, for me  
'Cause I can be bought but you'll pay the cost  
If you can afford me_

"Rosalie Hale can be bought!" Another male voice exclaimed. "Why didn't I figure this out earlier?"

Suddenly, the music stopped and a very pissed off looking Emmett stormed on stage wearing a....tool belt and hard hat?

"Not even going to ask." Edward and I muttered together.

Emmett snatched the mike off Rose. "For the record, the only person who can 'buy' Rosalie is _me!_"

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. "And you get a discount."

Alice walked onto the stage slowly. "Uh...ok. So, while Emmett's on stage, he and Jasper can perform their song...." She glanced at her paper. "Oh for the love of God..."

Jasper emerged from behind the curtain, wearing an identical outfit to Emmett's, just as Rosalie came off the stage.

"Alright!" Emmett boomed. "We're gonna do some FIXING!"

_Bob the builder_ sang Jasper _Can we fix it?_

Emmett gave us all the tumbs up. **Bob the builder, YES WE CAN!**

_Scoop, Muck and Dizzy and Roley too _  
**Lofty and Wendy join the crew **

_Pilchard and Bird, _

**Travis and Spud**

_**Playing together like good friends should**_

"Ok everyone," shouted Jasper. "We want you guys to sing back to us."

**_Bob the builder! Can we fix it? _**They sang together, then they pointed to the audience.

"YES WE CAN!" we all shouted, laughing.

The music finished and the boys took a bow, throwing their hard hats out to the crowd (probably not the safest thing in the world to do...) . Edward caught one and placed it on my head, winking.

Alice re-emerged. "I _cannot _believe that you two sang the theme song to a CHILDS TELEVISION PROGRAMME!"

Emmett's head popped out from behind the curtain. "Dude, Bob The Builder is a CLASSIC!"

She shooed him away. "Next we have Tyler, Mike and Eric with _Who let the dogs out..._"

And so the show continued. Jessica sang what was possibly the MOST annoying song in the world (Crush by Mandy Moore).

Lauren sang Girlfriend by Avril Lavinge (I was pretty sure it was aimed at Tyler and his new girlfriend.).

And all too soon it was time for Edward and I to get back on stage to sing the final song. The song that Alice had had picked out for us. And I had no idea what this song was.

I was going to be singing a song in less than a minute...AND I HAD NO IDEA WHAT SONG IT WAS, WHAT THE LYRICS WERE, OR EVEN IF I KNEW IT AT ALL!

But Alice had promised that we knew it, and that we had nothing to worry about.

I just had to have faith in her.

…..

Oh God, I was doomed.

**Alrighty! Next Chapter: Edward and Bella's final song! What did Alice choose? And....dun dun dun.....JAMES!!!!**

**And the best reviews will get a sneak peek of the next chapter (Trust me, it's well worth reviewing!) xxx**


	15. Finale

**DRUM ROLL PLEASE! IT'S THE....FINALE! Congratulations to those who guessed right! I had this song picked out from the very beginning so I hope you all agree with my choice. **

**It's a little short. Long chapter next time. Deal?**

**xxx**

EPOV

Alice winked at us as she pressed a button on the stereo to start the song we were going to sing for the finale.

"Oh my God..." Bella and I whispered together.

"I think she's on to us." I muttered. "This pretty much describes our relationship perfectly." But then I couldn't speak anymore. I had to sing.

_Do you hear me,  
I'm talking to you  
Across the water across the deep blue ocean  
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying _

**Boy I hear you in my dreams  
I feel your whisper across the sea  
I keep you with me in my heart  
You make it easier when life gets hard **

Bella sang in her angelic voice, so much purer than any pop singer I'd ever heard. Now It was time for the chorus.

We both knew this song off by heart so we could basically sing without thinking.

_**I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend**_

We rolled our eyes at each other as we sung the line. Was this song perfect, or what?

_**  
Lucky to have been where I have been  
Lucky to be coming home again  
Ooohh, ooooh, oooh, oooh,  
Oooh ooh ooh ooh **_

_**They don't know how long it takes  
Waiting for a love like this**_

Seventeen years? Yeah, thats about right._**  
Every time we say goodbye  
I wish we had one more kiss**_

I wish we COULD have one kiss! Just one! We hadn't even had our first kiss yet!

_**  
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will **_

_**I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend**_

Though it can be a nuiscence sometimes...._**  
Lucky to have been where I have been**_

Forks. That's it._**  
Lucky to be coming home again  
Lucky we're in love every way**_

And more ways than that. Ways that haven't even been discovered on this earth yet._**  
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday **_

_And so I'm sailing through the sea  
To an island where we'll meet  
You'll hear the music fill the air  
I'll put a flower in your hair _

At that, Alice threw a rose onto the stage from where she was standing._ Put it in her hair, _she mouthed.

I just shook my head. Way, _way_ too cheesy and girly. I WAS A MAN!

And besides, the rose prickles might hurt my hands...

_Though the breezes through trees  
Move so pretty you're all I see  
As the world keeps spinning round_

I squeezed her hand and twirled her around slowly..._  
You hold me right here right now _

….Then pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her.

_**I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend**_  
_Lucky to have been where I have been_  
**Lucky to be coming home again **  
_**I'm lucky we're in love every way**_ She smiled at me, winking.  
_**Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed  
Lucky to be coming home someday**_

_**Ooohh, ooooh, oooh, oooh,  
Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh  
Ooooh, ooooh, oooh, oooh,  
Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.**_

The hall was quiet for a split second before erupting into applause. I saw Charlie leap to his feet down the back and let out a loud whistle.

I looked down at Bella who had gone tomato red, but a huge grin was plastered across her face.

"You were amazing." I murmured in her ear as we stumbled backstage.

"Thanks, you too." She shook her head. "But that was embarrassing. Singing my feelings to an entire hall full of people...."

I placed my hand on her cheek. "Oh well. It was about time we became public. By the way, I was thinking during the song... Do you realise that we've never actually kissed?"

She rolled her eyes, the blush slowly fading from her cheeks. "Of _course_ I realise! I've been wanting to kiss you since the whole 'Confessing our true feelings for each other in the bathroom' thing. It's been torture."

"Well, in about three minutes, we'll be free to do what we want. Here comes Alice." I motioned to my sister who was hurrying towards us with an expression of excitement, mixed with anticipation and then with a little bit of that 'You are so DEAD' look. "Ready to confess?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Hey-guys-you-were-so-amazing-up-there-I-totally-knew-that-was-the-perfect-song-for-you!-But-with-the-Hannah-Montanna-song?-Oh-God-you-are-so-dead!-What-are-you-trying-to-do-give-me-a-stroke-or-something?-Whatever!-Eeee-I'm-so-excited!"

"Breathe, Alice!" We both yelled at the same time.

"Sorry!" She inhaled sharply. "But wow! The way you looked at each other up there! It was magical! You looked totally smitten with each other!"

I smirked at Bella. This was our time. "Well, actually, Alice. We have something to-"

BUZZ!

Bella's eyes lit up and she pulled her phone out her pocket.

"Is that who I think it is?"

Bella threw Alice a warning look and began texting madly. "Uh, Edward, I've got to go do something." She smiled up at me. "Be back soon. Ten minutes tops." And with that she raced off the stage and out the back door.

I turned back to my sister. "What was that about?"

Alice sighed and chewed on her thumb nail. "Weeell, Bella doesn't really want me to tell you...."

I glared at her. "Talk."

"Ok, here's the deal...."


	16. James the 'Not so Great'

**Lol, sorry about the false alarm! But I'm back! So is James! I don't wanna keep you! Read!**

**PS: Alot of you wanted to know what Edward and Bella's finale song was. It was _Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Calait_**

BPOV

**From: **James

**To: **Bella

_Hey, you were amazing up there, but I have to leave soon, meet me in the parking lot out back right now? See you soon. X_

I smiled and began to text back.

**To: **James

**From: **Bella

_Sure. I'll be right out._

"Uh, Edward, I've got to do something. Be back soon, ten minutes tops." And with that, I ran off, leaving a very confused looking Edward behind me. I would have to come up with a story to tell him later.

But now, I was going to meet James for the very first time! I was so excited!

When I got out to the parking lot I scanned the crowds of people for someone who looked like James had in his photo. Cropped blonde hair, grey eyes....

Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder, I spun around.

"Hi! Bella?"

I blinked and grinned. "James!"

"Hey!" He reached out and wrapped me into a hug. "It's so great to meet you!"

"I know." I leaned back and looked at him properly. "You actually look older than your picture."

In his photo, he looked about seventeen, like his profile had said. Now, meeting him in person, I found he looked older, about twenty five or something!

"Oh, yeah, that photo was taken last year, I've sort of had a growth spurt and stuff since then." He explained.

I nodded. "Me too. My photo was taken a while ago, it was of the first and last time I actually let my friend, Alice, give me a make over." I shuddered. That was not an experience I wished to repeat.

We had been moving all this time towards the steps at the front of school, so I sat down. "So what a-..." I trailed off when I glanced up at James' face. In the space of a few minutes, his expression ad gone from light and happy to hard and dark. "Is something wrong, James?"

He sighed and stared straight ahead into the now almost completely deserted parking lot. "I haven't been very truthful with you, Bella."

I frowned. "What haven't you been truthful about?"

"My reasons for talking to you." He answered shortly.

I laughed once. "You never _actually _gave me a reason why you were talking to me. I just assumed it was because I was a relatively nice person. Maybe I was flattering myself."

"This isn't a joke." He snapped. "I'm completely serious."

I raised my eyebrows at his tone. "O...kay? So....what _were _your reasons for talking to me, then?"

"I knew you were her daughter." He muttered, almost to himself. "As soon as I saw your picture...I knew she was your mother. You look like her in so many ways...."

I blinked dumbly. "You know my Mom?"

"Yes." He murmured wistfully. "Well, not yet. But as I was saying before I was interrupted." He shot me a nasty look. "As soon as I saw your photo on that dating site, I knew you were related to my precious Renee. I couldn't believe it! I had stumbled across a golden opportunity! A plan started to form in my mind...."

Throughout his little speech, I sat there dumbfounded, my mouth hanging open. The warnings I had heard and seen everywhere, from Charlie, from my friends and teachers, on TV, ran through my mind. The internet was a dangerous place, full of psycho's waiting to take advantage on little girls. Maybe I should have listened a bit more carefully...

Then again, none of them had described a situation quite like this....

I stood up. "Ok, I don't know who you are, what you're talking about, or what you want with my mother, but I'm leaving. Now. Goodbye psycho." I was planning on slapping him, then running off to find help, but as I raised my hand, James grabbed it and twisted it quite painfully.

"Sit. Down." He growled.

I sat.

His other arm slipped around my shoulder, holding me down. "You don't want to leave right now, do you, Bella?" He asked sweetly, breathing into my ear unpleasantly. "You haven't even heard the rest of Renee and James' little love story!"

I grimaced and tried to break free from his iron grip unsuccessfully. "Love story? You do know she's married right?"

He wrinkled his nose. "Ah yes. That _swine _Phil Dwyer. Ugh. We'll soon get rid of him, don't you worry about that. Anyway, as I was saying earlier, I haven't actually _met _your mother yet."

"You're just stalking her."

"Yes I- NO!" My arm felt as if it might snap under the pressure he was applying to it. "Shut up. I am NOT stalking her! We met in a pottery class _actually_. She was so good at making bowls... I sat there lesson after lesson, completely astounded at her beauty, her grace. But then....after about four classes, she never returned." He scowled. "I suppose _Phil _must've forced her to quit."

Or Renee had just gotten bored, quit, and moved on to her next phase...

"I just _had _to talk to her again. I did some research on the internet with a few of my buddies and we managed to find out quite a lot about my little pumpkin."

Ah. A techno geek. All psycho's are.

"I found out everything about her that I needed to know. Her bank account details, her parents names, her favourite colour..."

"You found out her favourite colour over the internet?" I asked, hoping if I distracted him, he'd loosen his grip and I'd be free. No such luck.

"I also followed her everywhere, of course." He informed me casually, as if he was explaining how to make a origami bird. "I tried everything to talk to her again. I pretended to be a door to door salesman, she apparently had no interest in purchasing rare pokemon cards, you name it, I did it. My final ploy involved a dating site."

Two words I hate so much at right now. Dating. Site.

"I signed up for it myself, then let countless pamphlets about it in her mailbox, sent her hundreds of anonymous emails inviting her to join. But.." He sighed dramatically. "She never did. Then.. I was about to delete my account, when I stumbled across you! It was fate, don't you think?"

"Or just really bad luck...OUCH!" Suddenly, a flash of inspiration hit me, like a lightening bolt. I was just sitting here with my mouth closed! Why wasn't I screaming for help? IDIOT! "HELP ME! SOMEBODY, PLEASE! I'M BEING-"

His grubby hand clamped over my mouth. Ew. "Now, sweetheart. You don't want poor Mommy to get hurt, just because you were stupid enough to try and scream for help, do you?" He released my mouth hesitantly.

"I'm not going to fall for that one." I muttered. "Like you'd actually hurt her! You're much too obsessed with her for that!"

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. I can be a very _aggressive _lover when I want to be. Plus, I have friends in Florida. Friends who belong to gangs. Friends who could mush anyone and everyone you know into pulp on my one command."

His smile was so confident and cocky, that the part of me that wanted to believe he was bluffing, disappeared.

"Please don't do this." I said in a small voice.

So, my running away plan was fail, so was my getting help one. The way I saw it, I had two remaining options. I either went along with his twisted plan, whatever that was (No) or I made him feel so guilty, he got talked out of it. (Yes).

"Actually, I think I will. Thanks anyway." He winked. "So, you've heard my story. Would you like to hear my plan?"

"Not really, to be honest."

He ignored me. "I'm going to be your boyfriend for a while."

I glared at him. "Go to hell. There's no way. I already _have _a boyfriend."

Once again, I was ignored. "We're going to get serious Bella. So serious that you'll want me to meet your dear mother. You'll take me to Florida to meet them and I'll take it from there. Sounds easy right?"

"You can't be serious." I growled. "There is NO WAY I'm doing this. You're going to have to release me at one point, and then I'll have the police on you faster that you can say..."

"Edward?"

My heart just about stopped. "W-what?"

"You underestimate me, darling. I know all about you and your precious boyfriend. Renee isn't the only one I've been following around. I know everything;. And I can have hims snapped like a twig. You don't want that do you?"

"Ok, I'll do it." I blurted out. He'd used the 'E' word. Edward's safety was all I cared about now. Nothing else mattered.

"Good!" He released me and I shook my arms that had gone to sleep around in circles. "Now, kiss me."

"Excuse me?" I laughed darkly. Yeah right.

"Kiss me." He repeated. "I assume you're kissing style is the same as your mothers, so it'll be just like kissing Renee. Besides,you're my girlfriend now, so I demand that you kiss me."

I bit my lip. If it would keep the ones I loved safe, I would do it.

He leaned towards me, eyes closed, lips puckered.

Yum...Not.

I grimaced and leaned in too. The kiss was wet, hot, wrong. It felt awful.

And then I heard it.

The voice I would love to hear anywhere. Anywhere...Except here.

Oh God, please, please, _please _not here...

"What the hell is this?"


	17. Friends is all we'll ever be

**Early chapter! Do you love me? OF COURSE YOU DO!**

_I turned back to my sister. "What was that about?"_

_Alice sighed and chewed on her thumb nail. "Weeell, Bella doesn't really want me to tell you...."_

_I glared at her. "Talk."_

"_Ok, here's the deal...."_

EPOV

"I kind of hired Marcus."

I stared at her blankly. "You mean James."

Alice raised an eyebrow. "No...His name is _Marcus_."

"Then why is his screen name _JamesTheGreat_?"

"It isn't!" She cried. "I don't know who _you're _talking about, but are you going to allow me to explain or not?"

I said nothing.

"Alrighty. Well, I sort of had a plan. My plan was, that I'd hire a friend of mine to join up to the site, add Bella and flirt with her like crazy so that you'd get jealous and you'd both realise how madly in love with each other you are."

"...So you hired James?" I guessed. "Don't try and deny it, Al. I heard you telling everyone about it last date night."

Alice surprised me by grabbing my head between her little hands and shaking it. "His. Name." Shake shake. "Is. Not." Shake shake. "JAMES! IT'S MARCUS!" She released me.

I rubbed my neck. "The who's James?"

"You tell me."

"He's this weirdo creep who's been coming onto Bella on the site. I got kind of worried that he might ask to meet her and then kidnap her or something. But after I overheard you telling everyone you'd hired someone, I figured I didn't need to worry anymore."

She dismissed it with a wave of her hand. "He's probably just a lonely nerd looking for love."

"Probably." I let out a sigh of relief. "So what does this all have to do with Bella running off all of a sudden like that?"

Alice grinned. "She's going to meet Marcus! Right now!"

I gave her a disapproving look. "What you're doing isn't very nice, Alice. She's just going to find out that you hired him and her feelings will get hurt."

My sister glared at me, then, after a moment, she sighed in defeat. "You're right. I'll call Marcus right now and tell him to tell her I hired him, before their friendship progresses anymore." She dug her hand into her pocket to pull out her phone, but I grabbed her wrist before she could.

"I think you should tell her yourself."

Her expression became horrified. "But then she'll be mad at _me!_"

I grabbed her shoulder and pushed her in the direction of the parking lot. "That's your problem."

She allowed herself to be pushed down the corridor. "So, what was it that you were going to tell me before Bella ran off?"

"Sorry, Alice. I'm not going to be distracted THAT easily."

"No, I'm honestly curious."

I opened the door that lead outside. "Bella and I will tell you together. Speaking of her...." We stopped, and scanned the deserted lot. "Where is she?"

Alice peered around, then her eyes lit up and she pointed to two people squashed up together on the steps. "There!"

One of them was definitely Bella. I could tell, because she was wearing the outfit Alice had picked out for her to wear onstage. The other..... I recognized him from somewhere....I just couldn't quite put my finger on it....

"Hey, _that's _not Marcus."

I had seen him before....somewhere....

Then it hit me.

"It's James." I growled.

"But...but..." Alice stammered. "I was so sure she was talking about Marcus today at lunch...I..."

"That guy is bad news, Alice." I said, starting to walk towards them, she followed. "I know it. Something isn't right."

I was proved right just seconds later.

James leaned towards my Bella, lips puckered, eyes closed.

"Hey! Leave her alone!" I yelled, starting to run, but they were too far away to hear me.

And then something happened that I'll never forget.

Bella leaned in...._And kissed him right back._

I stopped, dead in my tracks. I felt as if someone had just poured a bucket of ice cold water over me. I couldn't breathe.

"What the hell is this?" I managed to choke out.

Bella and James broke apart. She looked at me like she was a possum in the headlights of a truck. James had a smug smile on his face.

He spoke first. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the _friend_."

"Boyfriend, actually." I corrected him angrily.

"Really?" I ignored Alice. This really wasn't the time.

"Well now, that's strange. Because I thought _I _was her boyfriend." James' arm tightened around Bella as he spoke. I wanted to rip his head off. "I'm your boyfriend, aren't I Bells?"

Bella's terrified expression made something inside of me snap. I stormed over, threw Jame's arm off her, picked her up and wrapped mine around her instead. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I've got you now." I murmured, stroking her hair while glaring at James.

He was still smirking. "Tell him, precious."

Bella's eyes flashed to mine for a split second, then away again. "James is my boyfriend, Edward." She said weakly

James laid his hand on her shoulder, moved his face closer to her and said something in a voice so quiet I couldn't hear what he was saying. She nodded once, and he stepped back.

I ignored their little exchange and focused on Bella's words. "W-what, Bella? What did you say?"

"You heard me!" Her expression had suddenly turned fierce. "I love James!"

I leaned down so I could whisper in her ear. "Bella, if he's forcing you to be with him, if he's threatened you, we can do something about it! We can tell Charlie! We can-"

She pushed me away with such force that I stumbled backwards. "How dare you suggest that James would ever do anything to hurt me!"

I threw my hands in the air, exasperated. "Well what am I _supposed _to think? Half an hour ago, you were proclaiming your love for me onstage! Now you're saying that you're in love with some guy you met over the internet? You've known him for a WEEK! _We've _been best friends for seventeen years!"

"AND FRIENDS IS ALL WE'LL EVER BE, EDWARD!" She screamed suddenly, going very red in the face. "I'VE TRIED TO CHANGE THOSE FEELINGS! I'VE TRIED TO THINK OF YOU ROMANTICALLY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT'S HOW YOU THINK OF ME! BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT OK?"

There was a long silence and as her words sunk in, I felt like throwing up. "So....This past week, when you've told me you loved me and called me your boyfriend and all that... It was just..."

"Pretend? Yeah, pretty much!" She laughed bitterly. "Worst week of my life to be honest."

And the best week of mine.

"Well, I promise not to inflict my presence on you any longer." I said, starting to back away slowly, Alice began to follow me, her expression dumbfounded.

"You just need to accept that I've chosen him over you." She wrapped her arms around a grinning James' waist.

"I'm very happy for the both of you." I lied.

"Oh, and Edward?" Bella called.

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Yes, Bella?"

"The reason we never kissed wasn't because we kept getting interrupted." She stared at me, her eyes cold, dead. "It was simply because I didn't want to."

I turned around and began to walk slowly in the other direction so that none of them could see the tears that were starting to spill over.


	18. A little thing called 'Karma'

**COME ON GUYS! It can't be all fluffy bunnies and butterflies all the time! Suck it up, don't give me abuse!**

**This chapter isn't as.....intense.**

**PS: Thanks to all of you who didn't leave reviews saying "I hate this story now" or "This totally ruined the whole story". A few of my favourite reviewers...**

**jalicecullen, RangerRainbow (He he, you're my idol too! Xxx), MoBiTwilightLover, Robpfan (You're awesome, I always look forward to your reviews!), HaPpY bUnNy Is NoT aN eMo (Ha ha, you're great!), VampireWolf0131 (Yeah! Let it be a lesson to us all! Dating sites are bad news!), ForbiddenForevers,  christianmok, iPuppyDogFace, unikenzie ,Help-me-think-of-a-name, LilyCullen0011. (And to all you others that left lovely reviews, I LOVE YOU ALL! xx)**

BPOV

I stood, my whole body shaking harder than I'd ever thought possible.

Then I burst into tears.

"Very good, Bella." James praised, stepping back and watching me crying in an amused sort of way. "I had no idea you could be so heartless."

Neither had I. I was usually I terrible liar, but knowing that Edward's.....life.....was at risk.....I'd somehow become super actress bitch or something.

"I take it my words about snapping his neck off made you realise how very real this all was?"

Snapping his head off? Yeah, or words to that affect.

"Y-You'll l-leave him a-alone now, r-right?" I choked through my tears.

"Yes. It's not him I want." James assured me.

Good. That was all I cared about.

Just so long as Edward was far away from me, he was away from James. And if he was away from James, he couldn't get hurt. And now my cruel words had done their job.

He _was _far away from me. And as much as it tore my heart apart to know that I had had broken his, I knew that an alive Edward that hated me was better than a dead Edward who loved me.

For once in my life I was being selfless.

So why did I feel so terrible?

*

"Isn't it a bit...soon...to meet my father?" I asked, pausing at the front door. "I've never mentioned you before..."

James rolled his eyes. "Of course it's not too soon! We're flying off to Florida next week so you can introduce me to Renee, obviously I'll have to meet whatshisface before that!"

"His name's Charlie." I muttered. "And since when are we flying to Florida _next _week?"

"Since I said so." James snapped. "Now open the door."

"Hey singing star!" Charlie boomed from the living room when we entered. He turned the corner. "You were br- Who's this?"

I glanced up and James. No way was I doing any work to make a good impression.

"Hello Chuck."James said politely, sticking out his hand. "I'm James. Bella's boyfriend"

"It's Charlie!" My father and I both hissed.

"Right."

There was an awkward silence, Charlie was glaring at James, I was blank, James was looking like he was having trouble not cracking up.

"Bella, you can go upstairs." Charlie said, not taking his stony gaze away from James. "I have some questions for your new _boyfriend_."

Charlie hated him already. That meant he wouldn't be happy with the me going to Florida with him thing. And _that _meant more time for me to think of a plan to clean up this stupid mess. God, I was an IDIOT!

WHY HADN'T I LISTENED TO ALL THOSE WARNINGS ABOUT STRANGER DANGER AND CRAP?!

I started up the stairs, listening to Charlie and James. It didn't seem like _Charlie _was asking a lot of questions...

"How long were you and Renee married before she left you, Chaz?"

"My name isn't...Wait....How do _you _knowabout that?"

"That's irrelevant. Do you know what Renee's favourite meal is?"

"LOOK! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT....."

Gee James. Obvious much?

I almost smiled.

Almost.

EPOV

"Edward, you're going to have to talk about this _sometime_."

I grabbed a second pillow to bury my head under. "There's nothing to talk about, Alice. We both know what happened. Can you please go away now?"

I could almost picture her standing outside my bedroom door, hands on hips, tapping her foot impatiently.

Damn, I was such a _girl._ No wonder B......_She _dumped me. But really, just look at me. Locked in my room, in bed, head under pillow. Wallowing.

Next thing I know I'll be getting my period.

Suddenly, the door burst open. I poked my head up from under my blankets. "How'd you get in here? I locked the door!"

"I have my ways." Alice said, coming to sit on the end of my bed with a concerned look on her face. "How are you?"

"Peachy. Brilliant. On top of the world." I glared at her. "How do you _think _I feel Alice?"

She bit her lip, staring at her lap. "Sorry."

"I bet you're just dying to question me, aren't you?" Looks like the big 'Alice Prank' was off. She'd heard every word we'd said.

Alice shrugged. "Not really. I think I've figured it out by myself."

"Are you angry?" I asked, as if I actually cared, as if it actually mattered, as if _anything _actually mattered.

"Nah. I bought it on myself really, didn't I?"

I shrugged.

"Listen." She placed her hand on mine. "I don't know why Bella acted like that..." I winced at her name. "...All I know, is that there's something weird going on there. That wasn't Bella, she wouldn't do that to you, I know it...."

I groaned. "Alice, she dumped me, ok? This whole Me and Her thing, it was over before it even began. Stop trying to make it as if there's something, some big secret that we don't know! Give it up! Not everything is a soap opera!"

"Edward! Stop it, ok? Stop acting like you don't care because I know that you do! That girl is your best friend in the world and you're just going to let her go, just like that?"

I nodded.

"Well that's just....STUPID!" She stood up and threw the covers off me. "Go tell her that you love her and that you're willing to fight for her! Now!"

"I'm not into emotional suicide, thanks anyway."

She pointed her finger at me accusingly. "See? You can still be sarcastic! That means that deep deep down, you haven't given up hope! Deep down, you _know _that it wasn't Bella saying those things. If you truly believed that it was her, you wouldn't be able to function at all!"

We glared at each other in silence for a few minutes.

I sighed. "Al, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but both of us just need to accept that it's over. Do you think you can do that? For me?"

"No." She muttered stubbornly. "And on Monday, when she's had the weekend to think about everything, I'm going to get out of her exactly _why _she said all that stuff." And before I had a chance to respond, she'd stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

BPOV

Charlie had kicked James out of the house.

I couldn't be sure what exactly had been the last straw to be honest....

At he moment I was thinking it could've been him telling Charlie that his moustache was probably the reason Renee left him (According to James, my mother detests facial hair).

Or perhaps it was him asking if he could have a photo of Renee while muttering something about a shrine...

I might have found the whole thing funny if...

A, he wasn't the sole reason I'd had to break the love of my life's heart, or..

B, He wasn't in love with my mother, or....

C, he wasn't a psycho maniac.

But all those things aside, yes, very humourous.

I lay in bed, trying very hard not to think.

_Maybe I could just tell Edward.....but also tell him to stay away, that way he wouldn't hate me but still be safe...._

_No. That would never work. He'd never listen. Besides, he wouldn't want me back after all those things I said to him._

Don't think. Don't think. Don't think.

_What if I told the police about James......_

_No. Somehow I had a feeling that that wouldn't work. He was too....sneaky. He'd find a way to hurt someone I loved...._

Don't think. Don't think. Don't think...

"Let me in!" A voice hissed.

I stumbled over to thw window. "What are you doing here?"

"Chandler threw me out, but like that's going to stop me! We still have so much to do. Like, go over the script...."

I raised an eyebrow. "It's _Ch_- Ugh. Whatver. And what script?"

"I'll tell you, but then you have to let me in. I don't know how long this branch can last with me on it..." He glanced down.

He was right. Edward had climbed that branch hundreds of times, but had stopped about a year ago when a huge crack appeared down the middle. James didn't appear to notice the crack...

"Ok, well, I typed up a script for next week, we've both got to memorise it. It's genius, kid. It really is. Renee won't be able to resist me after we're through with our act. Your first line is 'Hello mother. This is my boyfriend, James. He is a kind, honourable gentleman, but we are not terribly serious. You may have him if you wish'. Isn't it gr-"

CRACK.

"What was th- AHHHHHH."

I stood smiling down into the garden as a loud groan echoed through the darkness.

Now that's what I call karma.


	19. It's BROKEN!

**Ha ha. SOOO many of you were like "MAKE JAMES HAVE HIT HIS HEAD AND DIED!" But I think you'll find he's still very much alive. Sorry. :) x x**

BPOV

"James, stop being such an idiot, you can't sue a tree."

He scowled. "Says you. That tree endangered my LIFE! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE IT TO COURT!"

I rolled my eyes. "James, you're such a drama queen. Your arm is only sprained. You'll live!"

"It's not 'only sprained'! IT'S BROKEN!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, you have a medical degree now?"

He stopped walking (Yes, we were _walking _to school. Because James had 'broken his arm' falling out of the tree and couldn't drive us there. He didn't_ trust_ my driving, so we were getting soaked. Brilliant.) and turned to look at me menacingly.

"What? Are you constipated?" _That_ was a glare?

"Oh ha ha." He growled. "No. Listen, little girl, I wouldn't get mouthy to me, you're forgetting that I can hurt you. Alot. And all you're little friends as well. Oh, and when I'm your stepdad, I can ground you too. So shut up."

James as my stepdad. I shuddered. I needed a plan. And fast.

Trouble was, I couldn't think of one.

*

"So, this is my new school, huh?" James stood back to get a better look at the brick building. "It's kind of ugly."

I ignored him and continued to walk towards the school.

"Wait, wait, wait." He ran up behind me and slid his arm around my waist. "We've got a reputation to make. Soon, the whole school will know about Jamella!" He frowned. "Or Belames. I haven't quite decided yet."

I grunted, scanning the crowds of students for Edward. He wasn't there as far as I could see. That was good. He didn't have to see...this.

"....No definitely Jamella. That way, my name goes first....."

Then something down the road caught my eye. Something...silver. A Volvo.

Crap.

"Quickly...Lets go inside." I grabbed James' arm and yanked it as hard as I could.

"OW! THAT'S MY BROKEN ARM, BITCH!" He screamed.

The parking lot became silent. All eyes were on us.

"Who's that?" Someone whispered.

"Bella's new boyfriend, I think." Someone else hissed.

"I always thought she was with Cullen?" Tyler Crowly whispered.

"So did I."

"I heard she was pregnant with his baby." Yes, there was a reason I always hated Jessica Stanley. And that was it.

James stared around wildly, rubbing his arm. "Um...."

The Volvo was parked now, the drivers side door opened and out got-

Before I knew it, my face was grabbed and I was given an extremely wet kiss by you-know-who **(A/N: NO! Not Voldemort!).**

No way. Edward didn't deserve this.

I reached out and punched James in the gut. He doubled over, groaning.

Then I ran for it.

EPOV

"Alright, everyone inside, lets go."

"All I'm saying," Alice muttered as we were ushered inside the school by the principal. "Is that if she's really in love with him, she wouldn't have punched him in the stomach when he tried to kiss her."

"Bel-" I cleared my throat. "She's not into public displays of affection." I mumbled. "Can you just drop it? Remember our talk the other night, Al? About _acceptance?_"

"Remember what I told you I was going to do, _Ed_? I'm still going to talk to her."

"Please don't, Alice."

"I'm going to."

I groaned. "Why do you always insist on making my life as difficult as it can possibly be?"

"Why do _you _always insist on being a pessimist?" She retorted.

"It's called being realistic, Alice."

"Its _called _being a dumbass. See you at lunch."

BPOV

Apparently, my new 'boyfriend' doesn't know the difference between a stick figure in a dress and a stick figure in pants.

"James! These are the _girls _toilets!" I hissed.

"What the hell was that out there?" He demanded, acting as if I hadn't spoken. "So much for having a public relationship! You pretty much broke up with me out there!"

"Sorry." I muttered, even though I wasn't.

"Do you know how humiliating it is, to have a nurse tend to you in the middle of a school parking lot while everyone laughs? And on my first day, too!" He sat down and buried his head in his hands. "Social suicide, Bella. Social. Suicide."

"Mmmmhmmm."

He sighed. "Oh well. At lease we're known now. That's a good thing, right?"

"Totally." I mumbled, unenthusiastically.

"And at least I didn't have to navigate my way to the school office by myself to sign papers and stuff. You know, Mrs Cope really is such a nice lady. If I wasn't so commited to your mother....."

I tried to block him out, counting the cracks on the bathroom wall, trying not to think about what Edward must've thought of everything out there....

Seventy two, seventy three.....

"...And I've got all the same classes as you except for English and Biology so we can work on our rep then...."

Ninety seven, ninety eight.....

"Oh, there goes the bell. See you second per-" He stopped and snorted suddenly. "Ha, get it? Bell? Bella? Ha ha ha...." He snorted again and walked out of the girls toilets shaking his head.

I bit my lip. I'd have to ditch first period. Alice was in that class. I didn't feel like facing her.

One hundred and five, one hundred and six....

But apparently she felt like facing me.

"Hi. Thought I might find you in here." She said softly.

I didn't look up.

"You don't want to talk? Fine." She walked over and sat next to me.

After a few minutes I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I murmured.

"Me too." She whispered, laying her head on my shoulder. "So...You wanna tell me why you're pretending to like this James guy now, or later?"

"Pretending? I'm not pretending." Apparently my lying juices had been used up in the performance for Edward on Friday, because that just sounded pathetic.

"Bella, I'm one of your best friends." Alice said, sitting up. "I know when you're lying, even if my brother doesn't."

"I'm not lying."

"You are."

"No, I'm not!" I insisted.

"Yeah. You are."

"No!"

"BELLA! JUST TELL ME!"

I stared at her. I couldn't do it. I couldn't put her in danger like that. If I told her about James, he'd find out. He'd _hurt _her! She had to stay away from me. The thought of James near Alice..... I couldn't do it.

But even with all this is my head.... I couldn't stop the whole story from tumbling out of my mouth. From the very beginning. Starting with all the stuff with I_Love_Cookies and BrunetteShoppingHater, to Edward and I confessing our love for each other in the Cullen bathroom, to everything that had happened with him.

When I'd finished, I leaned back against the wall, exhausted from spilling my guts, but better than I had in days because I'd finally gotten it all off my chest.

"Wow."

I nodded.

"Thats....insane." Alice whispered.

I nodded again. "But...you see why I had to do it, right?"

"Yes..." She said, trailing off. "But...I think maybe you should tell Edward now. I mean, now that James has seen that you two are over, and believe me, he thinks you're over, that was a very convincing act you put on, you _could_ tell Edward. But also tell him to keep things quiet."

My mouthed dropped open. "_Are you CRAZY!? _THIS IS EDWARD WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! EDWARD! He'd never be able to keep quiet! He'd march straight up to James and punch him or something! Then James would get some of his friends to murder Edward and go hold my Mom captive! Then they'd probably want a ransom just so I could see her! I CAN'T AFFORD A RANSOM, ALICE!" I screamed hysterically.

"I'm seriously considering slapping you right now." Alice said darkly.  
I covered my face with my arms before continuing. "Then they'd probably kidnap _me _and sell me to some rich guy overseas so he can own me as his prostitute or personal shopper! OH GOD! THIS IS SUCH A MESS!"

"Bella, shut up. This is reality, not _Days of Our Lives._"

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "Ok, so say I did tell Edward. He'd never believe m. You said it yourself, it was a very convincing act."

"I think he believes it on the surface, but deep down, I'm pretty sure he knows you'd never do that to him. I mean, the other night we were talking and, sure, he was buried under about ten pillows, but he used _sarcasm_. So really, he can't have fully believed you don't like him, or he'd probably have thrown himself off a cliff by now."

I shrugged. "Yeah, or maybe he's just not that depressed because he never really liked me that much anyway."

Goodbye last shred of my heart.

"Oh shut up." Alice said, glaring at me. "You and I both know that's not true. Now, are you going to tell Edward about James or not?"

I gulped, images of his face flashing through my head. His smile. Him laughing at me. His face when he said he loved me. His face when I told him I never loved him. His face when I said the reason we'd never kissed was because I didn't w....

"Ok."

Alice smiled and put her arm around my shoulder. "It's going to be ok, Bella. I promise."

I nodded. "You're telling him."

She pulled her arm away. "_What?!_"

"I can't tell him!" I cried. "I can't face him until he knows the truth! I can't look into those eyes and know I've hurt him. Not yet. You have to, Alice."

She hesitated for a moment. "You......Argh. Fine."

"Thanks, Alice."

"You've got to give him a hint or something first though. Ok? Otherwise he won't believe me. A clue that only he'll understand the meaning of."

I nodded. I had the perfect one.


	20. The Cavemen

EPOV

Alice's words kept spinning around in my mind.

_If she's really in love with him, she wouldn't have punched him in the stomach when he tried to kiss her...._

Could she possibly.....

No. That was ridiculous. Of course she loved him.

She wouldn't have mucked up our friendship for him if she didn't, right?

I was just trying to make myself feel better by pretending there was actually a _possibility _that she had feelings for me.

But she didn't. Acceptance was the key.

Unfortunately, that key fit a door that led to perpetual darkness and unhappiness for yours truly.

I know what you're thinking and, yes, break-up's _do _bring out the melodramatic teenager in me. Thanks for noticing.

I sauntered down the corridor, trying not to think. Gym next. I would simply take out all my stupid emotions on the poor souls on the opposing team to me in dodgeball or whatever we were playing. They had no idea what was coming-

Oh no. Please let that be someone else (ANYONE else) heading for the gym.

Nope. Definetly _him_. _He _was in my gym class.

Well that was just FABULOUS.

I kept my head down and headed towards the changing rooms. Hopefully he wouldn't have gotten a uniform to wear for gym yet, then I'd be safe.

I should've known that luck wouldm't be on my side.

"Oh, look who it is. It's the _ex_."

I cleared my throat and took my shirt off. I couldn't help but notice that Eric, the only other person in the changing room apart from James and I, looked quite afraid of the new student.

"What? You're going to ignore me, Edmund?"

"It's Edward." I muttered.

James threw his hands up in the air. "Ok, what is WITH you people and insisting I remember all your names? I'm not a _machine!_"

"It's called common courtesy, James."

He glared at me. "Shut up. _I'm _doing the talking here."

I snickered darkly. "Wow. Impolite _and _a control freak. You're such a catch. No wonder Bella is so into you." Huh, I'd actually said her name. Without having a panic attack. That was....new.

"Oh, she isn't. _I _heard he's a drug dealer and she's only dating him because she's addicted to the stuff he grows."

James and I stared at Eric incredulously.

His mouth dropped open and he went extremely pale. "D-Did I really just s-say that out loud?"

I nodded slowly.

"Oh good greif." Eric hurried out quickly, muttering "Gotta stop listening to Jessica, gotta stop listening to Jessica..."

"That was..."

"Strange..." James finished. Then he shook his head. "Whatever. I need to talk to you, turd."

"Edward." I corrected him, tying my laces.

What was with this guy? How could Bella like him? She couldn't..._could she_?

"I...I...I KNOW YOUR NAME! THAT WAS AN INSULT! DUH!" He shouted.

That answered my question. She couldn't. I'd know Bella my whole life, by now I knew fairly well the type of people she could and could not stand. James was definetly one of the latter.

So....Why was she dating him?

"Yeah," I started to head out the door. "I've got to go, we're going to be late for class."

James made a defeated grunting noise and I strolled out into the gym as the bell rang.

Coach Clapp glared at me disapprovingly. "You just made it, Mr Cullen."

I nodded. "Sorry."

He cleared his throat. "Ok, everyone today we're going to be playing...."

"I'm here!"

Everyone turned around to see who the voice belonged too.

"You're late!" bellowed the teacher.

"Just by a minute." James scoffed, winking at a few of the girls. "Besides, I'm new, shouldn't I get let off the hook or whatever?"

Coach Clapp muttered something unintelligible. "As I was _saying _today we're playing badminton and..."

"Badminton? Isn't that, like, a girls sport?"

Mike Newton, who happened to be star of the badminton team, went purple.

The Coach plowed on, refusing to acknowledge James' rude behaviour. "So, pair up and start putting up the nets."

"Yo! Ed...somthing." James called. "Patners?"

I didn't turn around to look at him. "No."

"Aw, come on, give me a break, I'm your friends boyfriend, lets be buddies." He ruffled my hair and pulled me around to face him. "What do ya say?"

"No." I said. "Hey, Tyler...." But before I could escape, James had handed me a racket and pulled me over to one side of the gym.

"I think we need a team name." He said in a friendly voice, but I knew better.

"_I _think you need to get the hell away from me." I said, mimicking his tone.

James ignored me as if I hadn't spoken. "How about...Team-We-Both-Love-Bella-But-She-Only-Loves-One-Of-Us?"

I took a deep breath. _He's just trying to provoke you , Edward. Don't give him the satisfaction_....

"Oooo! I have a good one! Team-Bella's-Really-Hot-Naked-But-Only-One-Of-Us-Knows-It-"

I don't know what came over me. Usually I would say that attacking a classmate was inexcusable. But in this case....

I was going to make an exception.

Before either of us knew what was happening, I was ontop of James, pucnhing his nose over, and over. "Stay." Punch. "The hell." Punch. "Away." Punch. "From." Punch. "Her."

BPOV

"So, what do you think you're going to say to him?" Alice asked as we walked down the hall. "It can't be too obvious otherwise James will pick up on it and....You know." She trailed off.

I nodded. "I think I'm going to say something about the sc-" My mouth dropped open.

"What?"

I pointed towards the gym doors. Edward and James were coming out of them, glowing at each other followed by Coach Clapp who looked positively furious.

But that wasn't the reason for my reaction. Edward's face was covered in blood, he had what looked like scratches made by fingernails across his face and he was limping.

James might have been hurt too, but I wouldn't have noticed.

"OH MY GOD!" I screeched, running down the hallway and throwing myself onto Edward unthinkingly. "What happened to _you_?"

Edward flinched.

Before he had a chance to respond to my words or my touch, or for James to ask me why I wasn't at all concerned for _his _well being, Coach Clapp pulled me off Edward.

"Miss Swan, please refrain for hugging either on of the two cavemen."

"Cavemen?" James snorted, then grimaced.

"Yes, you're _cavemen_!" Coach said. "Only cavemen roll around on the ground, punching and kicking eachother instead of resolving their issues in a civilised manner."

"You were _fighting_?" Alice gasped.

"He started it." blurted out James.

"I'm not even responding to that ridiculous accusation." croaked Edward, speaking for the first time, but avoiding my gaze.

"It doesn't matter _who _started it, you're both getting very severely punished." Coach Clapp seemed to only really realise our prescence at that moment. "Ok, why aren't you girls in class?"

I threw Alice a panicked look.

"Uh, we...were....on our way to get.....something from another classroom." she stuttered.

"Well, of you go then. I'll deal with these two."

"Yes, sir." We muttered, hurrying off.

"I swear to God.." I muttered when we were out of hearing range. "If I wasn't so weak, that guy's head would be coming off."

Alice nodded.

We both knew I wasn't talking about Edward or the Coach.

*

The atmosphere at my lunch table was unusually......tense.

"So...." Emmett started. "Did anyone see the game on Saturday?"

No one answered.

"Ok....."

A few minutes later James started 'coughing'. Cough "EdwardSmells." Cough.

Oh my God......

"Oh yeah, really mature!" Edward shot back. "If I were you, I wouldn't be saying stuff like that to the guy who's father stopped you from getting suspended on your first day!"

We all stared at Edward in shocked silence. This was the first time either of them had said anything about the fight or it's consequences.

James stood up, looking flushed. "This cafeteria food sucks. Come on Bella," He said, pulling me up. "I'm getting some soup."

I don't know _why _I chose that moment to say it. Maybe because James was holding my arm so tightly that it was cutting off the blood supply to my brain. Or maybe it just slipped out....

"You might like soup James." I said loudly. "But I still LOVE cookies."

EPOV

No...It couldn't mean.....she couldn't be referring to.....

_I still LOVE cookies..._

I love cookies.....

I_Love_Cookies.

**Hmmm....Too cryptic? Apparently not for Edward.**

**PS: To all of you who read "Revenge is Sweeter" Please take the poll on my profile, half of you are saying "Kill the Volvo! Make Edward PAY!" But the rest of you are threatening to kill me if I do! The poll ends on Tuesday and has the final say so VOTE NOW!**


	21. Everything's Going to be Ok

EPOV

It was official. As soon as I logged onto my email I knew my suspicions from lunchtime had just been confirmed.

Bella was trying to tell me something.

**To: **I_Love_Cookies

**From: **BrunetteShoppingHater

_I don't know if you remember what we talked about in the very first online chat we ever had, but I certainly do. I'll be there till 5pm. If you don't show, I'll know your decision about...everything. Hope to see you there_

_-BSH_

I cocked my head to one side. Where was 'there'?

And what did we talk about in our first online chat ever?

I went through my history till I found it.

_BrunetteShoppingHater: Oh, hello. I was hoping you'd come on._

_I_Love_Cookies: Why's that?_

_BrunetteShoppingHater: We obviously have a lot in common..Wait. You don't like shopping do you?_

_I_Love_Cookies: Why, I love shopping. I mean, I just sooo totally live to shop!_

_BrunetteShoppingHater: Nooooo! You're joking....right?_

_I_Love_Cookies: No....Ok, yes. But I like shopping for cookies. (see screen name) Does that count?_

_BrunetteShoppingHater: YES! All types of shopping is cursed! Cursed and doomed I tell you! Cursed and doomed!_

_I_Love_Cookies: Wow! Ok, but what if I said we were shopping for... Chocolate chip cookies?_

_BrunetteShoppingHater: We? There is no we. You couldn't drag me to a mall if you tried._

_I_Love_Cookies: I dunno...I'm not a weak person..._

_BrunetteShoppingHater: Gah! Ok. Fine. You can take me to your damn shopping mall. But only to buy cookies._

_I_Love_Cookies: But...I get thirsty.... *does puppy dog eyes*_

_BrunetteShoppingHater: Noo! Not the puppy dog eyes! OK OK! Drinks too._

_I_Love_Cookies: Excellent! I'm looking forward to it already._

That was the point where she'd had to log off.

Was that what Bella had meant? Was she going to be at the _mall _till five? And she wanted me to meet her there?

And she wanted to buy _cookies_? At a time like this?

Perhaps there was more to Bella and my 'break-up' than I'd first thought.....

Alice was going to be so damn smug.

BPOV

There was no way he was going to turn up. And even if he did, I was still doomed.

"What the hell was I thinking?" I moaned to myself, not caring if the other people in the food court heard me or not. "This is never going to work!"

I should've just let Alice tell him like we'd planned! But somehow....I had a feeling he wouldn't believe _her_. She _did_ have a reputation for lying to us 'for our own good'.

Like telling me we were just going to her house to 'hang out', then locking me in a bathroom so I'd hook up with Edward.

So maybe he'd think it was all just a trick if she told him. The again, if _I _told him, he might not believe me either, I'd already lied to him once.

"What was I thinking?" I repeated.

"Maybe that I'd come and you'd explain why you've been such a bitch to me, I know that's what _I _was thinking."

I spun around in my seat. "EDWARD!"

He appeared to be fighting a smile. "Hey."

"Um...sit..down." I babbled, gesturing to the seat opposite me.

He did. "So, am I right?"

I sighed happily, feeling blissful. Despite all I'd done to him, he'd turned up. "'Bout what?"

"Did I guess correctly? Is that the reason you asked me, quite irritatingly cryptically, might I add, here? So you can explain?"

I nodded. "It is. Sorry about the message. I couldn't straight out ask you to meet me here. James is like a computer genius, he could easily hack into my account and-"

Edward scraped his chair back. "It must be _great _having a _genius_ for your boyfriend." He said bitterly. "Look, if you just asked me here so you could boast about how amazing _James _is, I don't want to know." He stood up.

Woah! Talk about jumping the gun!

"Wait wait wait!" I pleaded. "Don't go! Stay!"

"So you can rub it in my face that the freak who beat me up in gym today, brainwashed you into loving him? No thanks, Bella."

"I don't _love _James!" I cried. "That's what I'm trying to tell you!"

He shook his head. "Love, lust, like, adore, have the hots for, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT! It's the same!"

"He's forcing me to be his girlfriend, Edward!" I hissed in a low voice so no-one else would hear. "Ok?"

Edward blinked. "He's forcing you?"

I nodded, trying to fight back the tears.

"I _knew _it! I knew he was..." Before I knew what was happening, Edward rushed over to where I was standing and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

I pressed my face against his chest and sighed. He'd believed me. This was why Edward was the love of my life. After all I'd said to him, all those cruel words...and he'd forgiven me. Just like that. I didn't deserve him. But I was too selfish to give him up now.

"Why on earth didn't you tell me in the first place?" He whispered, his warm breath tickled my ear , it sent shivers down my spine.

"Because he would've hurt you." I explained. "He_ said_ he would. There's...there's a lot of...stuff he said too....My mom...I'll explain to you later......."

"Later." He murmured, stroking my hair.

*

I finished talking and swiveled around on Edward's lap to see his face. His expression was furious, I wouldn't have expected anything less though. "You're thinking of all the different ways of killing him right now, aren't you?"

He nodded once. "I can't believe.... Ugh."

I sighed. "You can't do anything, promise? I wasn't kidding when I said he'd hurt you and neither was he! Just pretend nothings changed at school, alright? He can't know that you know."

"I'm not scared of him." Edward growled.

I groaned. "I was afraid you'd say that."

"Well it's true! Why don't we just tell someone? Tell your dad! He's police chief, Bella! He can do something!"

"Not without proof."

"We'll get some proof." He exclaimed.

"How?"

He was silent for a moment.

"See?" I said gently. "We can't. Listen, Renee's not going to fall for him anyway! When he figures that out, he'll leave us alone."

"And get away with it?" asked Edward incredulously. "No. And there's no way in hell you're going to Florida with that creep. Besides, from what you've told me, Charlie isn't terribly fond of the guy either, so _he _won't let you."

"James will find a way to get around that." I muttered. "Edward, don't worry. Everything will work out."

"I'm going to get that psycho behind bars." said Edward under his breath. "I'll come up with something Bella. Don't worry."

"The only thing I'm worried about if your safety. I wish you'd just promise me you'll stay away from him." I complained. "The whole reason I lied to you about this mess in the first place, was because I wanted you to be safe."

He didn't answer me, he simply laid his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes, he stood up, taking me with him. "Home for you?"

I nodded as he set me down on the ground, and slipped my hand into his. We walked out to where our cars were parked in comfortable silence.

"So, I was thinking," he said, suddenly stopping."Does this mean that when you said you never wanted to kiss me and all that, that you were lying?"

I nodded slowly.

He thought for a moment.

"So...." He moved a bit closer to me and cupped my face in his hands. "_This _shouldn't be terribly offensive to you, right?" Without giving me a chance to answer, Edward leaned forward and softly pressed his lips to mine.

As our lips moved in synchronization, a smile spread across my face. I slipped my arms around his neck and did the one thing I'd wanted to do more than anything the past few weeks.

I made out with my best friend.


	22. Ringtones and Pizza

**It's the school holidays. I'm bored. So I'm updating again quickly. (I knew you guys wouldn't mind!)**

BPOV

"Rain." I grumbled, hopping out of the drivers seat of my truck just as Edward opened the door of his Volvo. "Always ruining my fun."

"Bella we live in Forks. What did you expect?" Edward chuckled, walking over to me and taking my hand. We'd had to stop kissing when a huge downpour had started in the mall parking lot, so we'd gotten into our separate cars and agreed to meet back at Edward's house. "Ready to sneak?"

I hummed the mission impossible theme song.

The plan was for us to sneak into his house as quietly as we could so that Alice wouldn't hear us. and question us about every second of our making up. Then, we'd sneak upstairs and continue what we were doing before the rain interrupted.

We got out of the car and and shut the doors gently. Edward beckoned for me to follow him and opened the front door softly.

I hadn't stepped even one foot inside the house before......

"BELLA! YOU'RE HERE! IT WORKED!"

Edward groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Hi, Alice." I mumbled.

"IT WORKED! THANK GOD IT WORKED! I KNEW IT WOULD!"

"Yes, it worked." Edward told her. "Bella and I made up. Now, if you don't mind we're going to head upstairs and......"

Alice's grin faded and her expression became suspicious. "Why are your lips so red, Bella? Yours too Edward......Have you been....Are you?"

I glanced at Edward and he rolled his eyes and winked at me.

"Ok, either you two have been using my new lipgloss TOTALLY the wrong way, or....or...."

Edward nodded. "Give it a second. It'll come to you."

"OHMYGOD!"

"You couldn't have been just a _little _quieter coming through that door?" I moaned, leaning on Edward, hoping Alice's wave of hysteria would pass soon. "We could've escaped this."

"YOU! YOU! AHH! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS!"

"It's not official yet." I warned her. "If James finds out about us, he'll, well, you know. So don't tell _anyone _promise? Even Rose, Em and Jasper."

She nodded enthusiastically, then continued with her rant. "I mean, I kind of figured out that you'd gotten together without me knowing it, but then your broke up after the whole James thing. BUT NOW YOU'RE TOGETHER AGAIN! THIS IS SO AWESOME!"

"Yes. Yes it is awesome." I said sweetly. "Now if you don't mind, we're just going to go up to Edward's room and-"

Alice gasped. "Oh no you don't. You think I've waited seventeen years for you two to figure out that you're madly in love, just so you can go upstairs to kiss without me _watching_?"

"That's seriously creepy, Al."

"Yeah yeah." She dismissed. "Ok, fine, but at least let me do this......ITOLDYOUSOITOLDYOUSOITOLDYOUSOITOLDYOUSO!"

I clamped my hands over my ears and winced.

"ITOLDYOUSOITOLDYOUSOUITOLDYOUSO! Ok." sighed. "I'm good. It's over."

"She is _so _hyper." Edward muttered. "How does she _do _it?"

"Caffiene." Alice replied. "Ohmygosh! Have you two been on your first date yet?"

"No." I sighed. "And it's not happening until this whole thing with James has been cleared up. It's too dangerous."

Alice ignored me and thought for a moment. "Go sit in the living room." she ordered after a second, pointing to the door that lead in there. "Go in and wait for about half an hour until I tell you you're allowed out."

"WHAT?!" Edward cried. "No! Alice, as we've said about three times, we're going to my room! And not coming down for a LONG time! Possibly forever, we haven't decided yet."

Her answering glare was the most terrifying thing I'd ever seen. Ever.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction on the living room. "We'll just, you know, go in there now. Take your time....."

Alice smiled sweetly. "That's what I _thought _you said."

*

"You know," He said once we were settled on the couch. "This is a perfect importunity to brainstorm plans. I'm assuming we'll have a lot of time while Alice sets up our wedding, or whatever she's doing right now."

"Plans for what?" I asked dumbly.

"Getting rid of James."

"Edward," I whined. "I thought we decided at the mall that we weren't going to do anything! I told you, once he finds out that my mother has absolutely no interest in dating him, he'll just go away! _That's _our plan."

He pouted. "_My _plan is better. It involves me punching him."

I failed at trying to not smile at his expression. "Fine, Edward. What's _your _plan then?"

He thought for a moment. "Ok, my plan doesn't _involve _me punching him, it _is _me punching him. It's still a good plan though!"

I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face against his warm chest. "I love you Edward Cullen."

I felt him kiss the top of my head. "I love _you _Bella Swan. Always have, always will."

We were a silent for a minute. I didn't want tot ruin the moment or anything, but there was something I really had to say to him.

"I know you probably already guessed this, but I'm _really _sorry about what I said to you after the talent show. I know that must've hurt you alot." I sighed. I was never going to forgive myself for saying those things to him.

"Don't worry about it." He murmured. "I've completely forgotten them. I'm just happy to have you back."

"I'm still sorry. It was so mean. I just...I really wanted to make sure you were safe, so I went over the top."

"Bella," he leaned down and trailed his nose down the side of my face. "That's over. It's done. Don't beat yourself up about it. Soon this whole mess will be behind us. _Please_ don't worry."

"I do worry." I muttered. "It kills me to know I did that to you."

"Am I going to have to distract you?" He asked menacingly.

"What?" I giggled. "You're going to challenge me to a game of noughts and crosses or something?"

He shrugged. "Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of kissing, but if you _want _to play noughts and cr-"

I didn't let him finish his sentence.

EPOV

"Having fun?"

"Ah!" Bella pulled away, rolled off of me and.....promptly dumped herself on the floor. "Alice! How long were you there for?"

My sister ignored her question. "God, you're both _panting_! You _were _really going for it."

"You're such a freak, Al." I muttered, smoothing out my shirt, taking a deep breath to calm myself and sitting up. "You ok, Bella?"

She giggled, not making an attempt to get up from the floor. "Yes."  
I held out my hand and helped her up while Alice tapped her foot impatiently. "Ready to see the big surprise? Sorry I took so long. I know I said half an hour, but it took a bit longer than I expected."

"Oh that's ok." Bella said happily.

"We amused ourselves just fine." I added.

"Apparently." muttered Alice. "Ok, in you come."

The three of us walked into the dining room. Bella gasped.

"Oh my god! Alice!"

The table had a large, white tablecloth spread across it, and it was covered in red rose petals. The room was lit up with candles and the table was beautifully set. It looked like something from a movie.

"Wow." I murmured. "How...what..."

Alice smiled. "I wanted you to have the perfect first date!"

"This _is _perfect!" Bella breathed, throwing her arms around my sister. "Thank you so much!"

"Hmmm, I did something right." said Alice thoughtfully. "Ok, sit down."

"It's really fancy." I noted.

"Not all of it." Alice laughed, opening the oven and taking out a _Pizza Hut box._ "I didn't have enough time to cook lobster."

*

"Hawaiian or Meat Lovers, Ma'am?" Alice asked, opening the pizza box with a flourish.."There's still two pieces left."

Bella leaned back in her chair. "I _can't _eat any more! It's impossible! I'll explode! Give it to Edward."

I held up my hands in protest. "Save it for Emmett!"

"Oooo, good idea!" Alice went to wrap in up. "Ok, so for dessert we have-"

_Damn you's a sexy bitch,_

_Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl!_

_Damn you's a sexy bitch._

_Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl!_

There was a silence.

Bella blushed bright red and reached into her pocket. "It's James. That's his ringtone."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why did you change his ringtone to-"

"I didn't change it!" she exclaimed, going even redder. "He got hold of my phone and changed every ringtone for my whole contact list to 'match the the person'. Renee's is 'Crush' by David Archuleta." She shuddered, then glanced down at the still ringing cellphone. "I'll be back in a minute."

BPOV

"Where are you?" He barked as soon as I answered.

"Uh, library." I lied.

"I need you to come over to my house. Right now."

"You have a house?" I had always assumed he lived at the zoo.

"Yes I have a house! And I need you to come over right now."

"Why?" One more piece of Meat Lovers couldn't hurt....

"Because...I don't need a reason!" he gave me the address. "Ten minutes." he growled before hanging up.

"Nice to talk to you too." I muttered to the dial tone, sauntering back into the room.

"What was that about?" asked Alice curiously.

"He wants me to go over to his house." I explained apologetically. "I've got to leave now or he'll get mad."

"No!" Edward wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "You can't go into his house alone!"

"I'll be fine." I sighed, even though I wouldn't be. Not without him.

Alice came and patted my arm. "This will all be over soon. The whole 'wait till he finds out Renee will never date him then he'll get bored' plan sounds like it could work. Soon this'll be just a memory."

I nodded. "I hope so." Unwillingly, I unwrapped Edward's arms from around me. "See you later, guys."

Edward kissed my cheek. "I miss you already."

"I'll call you tonight." I promised, opening the door.

EPOV

"Bella!" I had to ask, or it would bother me for the rest of the night.

She stopped in the doorway. "Yeah?"

I looked down at my feet, suddenly embarrassed. "What did James change _my _ringtone to on your phone?" If he chose them to match personalities, it was sure to be something nasty.

Bella looked as if she was fighting a smile. "Sure you wanna know?"

I nodded.

"Ur so gay, by Katy Perry." she giggled. "See ya!"

Yup. Mean.

Alice had heard of course, and was cracking up.

"_You're so sad,_

_maybe you should buy a happy meal_."

She sang, quoting the song

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered, scowling. "Where's the rest of that pizza?"


	23. The Play of Renee

**Another brilliantly fast update. (school starts back Monday!, make sure you make the most of my amazing, speedy updates while they're still happening!**

BPOV

The house was disgusting of course, but if I was being honest with myself, did I _really _expect anything less from a guy like James?

No.

I knocked on the door which was covered in flaky old blue paint. Lovely.

It flew open. "What the hell took you so long?"

I raised my eyebrows and glanced at my watch. "Um...Sorry? I was at a friends house and-"

But James wasn't listening. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come in. Quick."

I wrinkled my nose and resisted the urge to go, 'Yeah, um, I'd rather _not_'.

"Welcome home, honey." James muttered as we walked through the door.

"God, do you live on pizza or something?" I mumbled, eying what must've been a hundred pizza boxes strewn out across the floor.

"Huh?"

"Nothing nothing. So...why'd you want me to come over?"

He snickered. "What? A guy can't ask his _wonderful _pretendgirlfriend over to his house when he wants to see her?"

I raised my eyebrows.  
"Ok, I need you to help me with something."

"That's what I thought." I said, going to sit down on a chair, then seeing the seven earwigs on it and realizing standing was probably a better option. "What do you want, James?"

He threw seven pieces of paper stapled together. "Remember how before I fell out of the tree," he winced. "I told you I'd written us a script for Florida?"

I nodded slowly scanning the 'script'. "This is it?"

"Yup. And I need you to practice it with me now. We both have to memorize our lines so our play is convincing."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, 'cause Mom won't see right through _that _one."

"Excuse me?" he asked dangerously.

"I just...I mean..." I felt my face heat up. "I'm a really REALLY bad actress." I babbled. "Renee knows that. I think she'll figure it out, that's all."

James cocked his head to one side and smiled. "Do you think you could _possibly _act well if Edward's _life _depended on it?"

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "God, you're dropping the E bomb _again_?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted them.

He laughed. "You don't believe that I'd actually hurt you Eddie?"

"No, no! What I meant was-"

"You think I'm bluffing? Would you like me to go over to his house right now and rearrange that pretty little face of his?"

I shook my head fiercely. "James, please-"

"Then I suggest," he said pleasantly. "That you read your first line. And make it convincing, sweetheart, otherwise I'll do something that'll make you regret even being born in the first place."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and nodded, not trusting myself to speak, knowing I would most likely burst into teats if I did.

I glanced down at the script.

The play of Renee

James chuckled. "The title is rhyming. Did you notice that, Bella?"

"Mmmhmmm." I replied.

_(Bella and James enter stage left)_

"Stage left?"

I waved his hand dismissively. "We'll figure all the out when we get there."

_(Renee opens the door, wearing a flowing red dress, Phil is standing behind her, eating a burger noisily)_

"Ok, how can you possibly know what my mother will be wearing and what Phil will be doing?"

"Just keep reading, dammit!"

_Bella: Why, hello mother!_

_Renee: My darling daughter, Bella! How nice it is to see you! But wait! Who is this handsome young man standing behind you?_

_James: *wearing a tuxedo* I am James. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance._

_(James kisses Renee's hand. Renee blushes)_

"You won't want to be wearing a tuxedo in Florida." I warned him. "It's hot."

James shrugged.

_Bella: This is my boyfriend. He's such a gentleman. He enjoys changing hobbies every few days, long walks along the beaches and his favourite colour is blue._

_Renee: Why, that is all MY favourite things too!_

_James: What a coincidence!_

_Renee: Please, do come in. _

_Phil: *through a mouthful of pizza* I'm Phil. I'm a homo who sucks at everything._

_Renee: We're divorcing soon._

_(Renee and James skip to Renee's room and make mad, passionate love.)_

The End

I cleared my throat.

"Well?" James asked eagerly. "What do you think?"

"Um... So...Now that I've read your highly unrealistic fantasy...Can I read the script?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Oh ha ha. No seriously. What did you think?"

I bit my lip. What I'd just said _had _been what I'd seriously thought. "Oh, yeah it was great." Was this guy for _real_?

He nodded happily. "Memorize it. Ok, next order of business, convincing Chazza to let you come to Florida with me."

"Charlie."

"Don't care." He got up and started sifting through the draws of an old falling-apart desk sitting in the corner. "I figured that, because he refuses to let me in your house anymore, it wasn't going to be easy for me to convince him. So I need you to do it."

"Me?" I screeched. "He's not going to listen to me!" At least, I hoped he wouldn't.

"I've got something that will help you though!" He insisted, finally finding what he was looking for, a scrap of old paper. "Here." He said handing it to me.

It wasn't a piece of paper. It was a photo. I was confused. "And...how is showing me a photo of you dressed in a really unrealistic policeman costume going to convince Charlie to let me go to Florida with you?"

"_You _show it to _him_." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Tell him some crap about my life-long dream to become a cop or something." He walked over to the fridge and got out a beer. "It'll work. Trust me."

I ignored him and his ridiculous plan. "Um, James, are you legally _allowed _to be drinking alcohol?"

"Yeah." He took a swig. "I'm twenty three."

My mouth dropped open. "You're...you're _how old_?"

"Twenty three. And a quarter."

"I thought you were seventeen!" I screamed.

James made a face. "God, drama queen! Keep it down!"

"I...I.." I stammered. "How did you get into my school?"

He snorted. "Oh yeah, Bella, I'm a computer geek who can't make a fake ID and birth certificate on the internet. Right!"

I was speechless. _Twenty three? I'd kissed a twenty three year old? _

"Like Renee would date a seventeen year old Bella!" He laughed. "Seriously, let's be realistic here!"

Yeah, because my Mom would _soooo _date a guy fifteen years younger than her too!

He took another swig of his beer. "Ok. You can go now."

Nice. What a polite guy. I couldn't _wait _for Mom to meet him.

"Don't forget your script!" He called when I was halfway out the door.

I just kept on walking.

EPOV

I took a bite of the now stone cold pizza. "I shouldn't have let her go."

Alice was doing the dishes. "She wouldn't have let you stop her even if you'd tried harder. Don't worry about it."

"How can I not?" I groaned. "What if he's hurt her?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "He won't have. Bella can defend herself. You done with that pizza?"

I took another bite even though I was totally full. Comfort food was a beautiful thing. "But what if he has?"

"He hasn't!"

"But what if he has?" I repeated, standing up. "What if he's got her locked in the basement right now? Tied up? What if he's got a gun pressed to her head, Alice?" I continued hysterically. "We don't know what could be happening! The possibilities are endless! What if he's threatening her? What if he's setting the house on fire was we spea-"

Alice took one look at me shout hysterically, stalked over to where I was standing and slapped me across the face. Hard.

I stopped and rubbed my cheek. "Yeah. Thanks. I guess I needed that."

She snorted. "Ya _think_?"

**Two things.**

**Number one: I have a new story up! It's called Beauty and the Geek! Here's the summary:**

_Edward's crush on his brothers girlfriend, Bella, was never going anywhere. The pretty ones never went for geeks anyway. But when Bella needs a favour, Edward has to make a tough decision: Loyalty to his brother? Or a chance with the girl of his dreams?_

**Read it or DIE!**

**Ha ha. Secondly, I know Bella's being a freak right now. I mean, who would take James seriously!? He's a douche, right? But honestly, if _you _had your own Edward Cullen, wouldn't you do the same? **

**Actually, no, seriously, I wanna know!**

***game show host voice* If you were in Bella's position would you...**

**A) Follow James' orders?**

**B) Tell your parents/friends/family/police/animal control?**

**C) Chop James' head off with an axe?**

**Or....**

**D) Other?**

**Let me know! I'm dying to find out!**

**Love you guys! xxx**


	24. Interrupted Again

**Fast update. Yes, yes, you love me because of it. Feel free to send me a basket of cupcakes and gummy snakes at any time....**

EPOV

"If he wasn't such a creep, that might actually have been funny." I said, after Bella finished telling me about James' 'script'.

She nodded and leaned back on her pillow. We were over at her house, which was actually quite a dangerous place to be, seeing as James could burst through the door at any given time and find us together.

But according to Bella, he was at the school library, trying to hack into the computer system so he could be first on the waiting list for a book he wanted. So we were safe.

Honestly, how anyone could actually be _scared _of this guy, I had no idea.

"Oh, and did I mention that he's going to wear a tuxedo when he meets her?" Bella giggled. "In Florida!"

"Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll be so hot that he melts." I said, only half joking. I got up from the end of the bed where I was sitting and went to lie next to Bella. "Or burns alive. I'm good with either."

She laughed and rested her head on my chest. "Do you know how hard it was at school today, pretending to still be mad at you?"

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Biology would've been really awkward, if it weren't for the fact you were playing a killer game of footsie with me under the table."

"I won."

"You did not! I was clearly the winner. Your weak little foot was no match for mine."

She lifted her head and poked her tongue out at me.

"Oh yes, very mature."

We were silent for a moment, then she sighed.

"What?"

She sighed again. "I was just thinking about how much I want to kiss you right now, but I can't, because Charlie will be home at any moment."

"It _is _too dangerous." I decided. "But you know what?"

"What?"

Quick as lightening, I wrapped my arms around her waist, and flipped her over so she was straddling me. "I like danger."

Bella giggled and leaned down to kiss me, her fingers knotting in my hair. I closed my eyes happily and slid my hands up under her shirt, trailing my fingers along the smooth skin of her back.

I felt her tongue slowly lick along my bottom lip and a shudder vibrated through my whole body. Her hands moved from my hair to my neck, then down to my collar where she started undoing the top button. I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist and kissed her harder as she got to the bottom of the buttons....

"Mmmm..." I flipped her over again so that I was hovering over her and she slipped the shirt slowly off my shoulders. Her arms wrapped around my neck, legs around my waist. Then I went back to kissing her.

Why hadn't we done this before?

Oh right, because we were both to thick to see how perfect for each other and madly in love we were.

Well now we weren't going to waste anymore time.

And judging by the way Bella was kissing me at that moment, she was having the exact same thoughts.

I moved my lips to her neck and left a trail of slow kisses down to her shoulder. A low moan started in her throat.

"BELLA! ARE YOU HOME?"

Bella gasped, but instead of pushing me away like I thought she would, she only clutched me closer. "Crap. It's James."

"Do you want me to go hide in the closet?" I murmured against her shoulder blade, she wasn't letting me move an inch.

"No, I want you to stay here and keep making out with me and for _him _to leave." She hissed.

I reached up behind me and unwound her legs from around me, all my instincts screamed in protest. "I'll go hide in the closet."

She mumbled something under her breath as I got off the bed, opened the closet and squeezed in.

"Can you fit?" she whispered. When I nodded she took a deep breath and yelled, "Up here, James!"

BPOV

"Didn't you hear me calling before?" James grumbled, walking into my room and flopping onto the bed.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." I muttered, wishing he'd just get up and leave already. "I thought you were at the library?"

He shrugged. "I have a short attention span."

"Apparently." I sighed. "Ok, so what do you want?"

APOV

She should've known I'd never be able to keep the stupid secret from Jasper.

"You're _kidding_?"

I shook my head tearfully. It had been a hard day. I'd been thinking about the James thing all day and it had been awful. Edward and Bella had each other. And who did I have to lean on and confide in?

No one. Until now.

Hopefully Bella wouldn't mind too much.

Jasper wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "Wh- Ugh. Poor Bella. Poor _you _for having to deal with all this!"

"You won't tell anyone, right?" I asked, swiveling around to look at him. "You can't! Otherwise James will have a reason to hurt you too!"

Jazz shook his head. "I won't...I just can't figure out why no ones told the police yet! I've seen this guy at school. He's no muscleman. Em could take him on easily! Hell, Rosalie could!"

"He probably has a gun. He could be some criminal!"

"Or...He could be a computer geek who's bluffing his ass off."

"Well I'm not taking my chances." I muttered, folding my arms.

We were quiet for a moment.

"So...What's your plan?" Jasper asked after a while.

"What plan?"

"You don't have a _plan_?" he gasped incredulously. "Seriously? Al, you _always _have a plan!"

"Not always!" I contradicted. Then I thought about all the stupid, unimportant plans I'd had in the past. Bella's numerous make-over plans....The plan for Edward's surprise party....And, I forced myself to think the last one, the dating site. "I should have one shouldn't I?" I whispered. "Seeing as this kind of...is...my fault."

"Alice it isn't your fault." murmured Jasper, stroking my hair. "_You _didn't tell James to do this."

"But I was the one who made Edward and Bella go on the site in the first place! If it weren't for me...."

"...they wouldn't have figured out how perfect they are for each other." finished Jazz. "Despite what's happening with James right now, we've all seen the looks they shoot each other across the table, even if the psycho doesn't. And one day, when you're maid of honour at Bella's wedding, you have every right to do an hour and a half long, incredibly boring speech about how _you _were the one to get them together in the first place."

I grinned and snuggled into Jasper's chest. "Thanks, Jazz. You always know what to say."

"That's why you chose me, not Emmett." he teased.

But I wasn't even listening anymore.

Because my most important plan yet had just begun forming in my mind.

BPOV

"So..." James picked up my pillow and threw it in the air. "Did you give Charlie the photo?"

"Yeah. He laughed, said you looked like a douche and that he was photocopying it and putting it up around town."

What sounded like a muffled snicker came from the closet.

James scowled. "You're joking, right?"

I wasn't. Not even a little bit. "Nope."

He made an annoyed sound. "Did he say I looked like a _respectable _douche?"

"No. Just a regular one."

"Hmph." he pouted and turned away, glaring at the floor. Then his eyes widened. "Bella?" He growled.

"Hmmm?" I was distracted, thinking of ways I could sneak Edward out without James seeing. So far, nothing.

"Why is there a guys shirt on your bedroom floor?"

Somewhere, deep among the clothes of my closet, someone muttered, "Shit."

**Oooooo. So, last time I asked you what _you _would've done if you were in Bella's position. It was pretty much tied between "C" chopping his head off or "D" some evil plan that involved explosives.**

**Ha ha. Sooo I had so very much fun reading your last answers last time that I decided to ask another one!**

**Ok, if you were Bella and you had to come up with a plan to sneak our beloved Eddie out of the house without James seeing, _how would you do it??_**

**I expect creativity people! Ha ha. Let me knoooow! The best answer will be in my next authors note!**

**Xox Lauren**


	25. Coat Hangers and Frozen Peas

**HA HA HA! All your plans were brilliant. My fave....**

Buttcracksanta

_Bella can trick James into giving her his best friend's, harry potter, phone number  
Bella calls harry potter and asks Hedwig to bring the invisibility blanket, and then Bella puts it over the wardrobe, and then as Edward walks out, he goes invisible.  
Hedwig can peck James' eyes out, and then he can go blind and leave to go to a clinic in Sweden, then Edward and Bella can live together happily ever after with their pet owl, Hedwig, who they rent from harry potter on a fortnightly basis.  
THE END._

**Loved it. Ha ha. Ok...ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Previously**

"_Hmmm?" I was distracted, thinking of ways I could sneak Edward out without James seeing. So far, nothing._

"_Why is there a guys shirt on your bedroom floor?"_

_Somewhere, deep among the clothes of my closet, someone muttered, "Shit."_

*

My eyes widened. This was bad. This was very very bad.

"I..I..um...It's my..." I stammered.

A reel of excuses ran through my mind.

_It's Phil's! Let's have a bonfire and BURN IT!_

_What? That's not a shirt! It's kinda obvious that it's a bottle of sunflower oil. Gosh._

_GUY'S shirt? ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY GENDER!?_

But I didn't have to use any one of them.

Because it didn't appear that James was listening anymore. He'd spotted something on my bedside table.

"Oh my GOD!" he squealed, picking up the photo of Renee and I in Disneyland. We both had Mickey Mouse ears on and I was pouting because Donald Duck had his arm (or should I say 'wing'? He is a duck after all..) around me and I was getting kind freaked out. Renee, on the other hand, was grinning. "That's SUCH a cute photo!"

If I hadn't been so relieved, I might have been pissed off.

I swear, that freak has the attention span of a goldfish.

"Renee looks ADORABLE!" he continued to gush."Like a really sexy version of Minnie mouse."

I squinted at the picture. "I don't see it."

James ignored me, his eyes widening. "So...so does Renee...like...this kind of thing? Disney stuff?"

"Uh...sure." I faked a smile. "Sure, she does."

He rubbed his hands together. "Thanks, Bellsie!" He jumped off my bed. "This is very useful information to know."

"I'll bet..." I muttered, watching him get up to leave.

Finally I heard the door slam. "Edward? You can come out now."

"I don't think I can move yet." he said from inside the closet.

I couldn't help but smirk. "You're so scared you can't even _move?_"

The was a shuffling sound. "No...But my legs are in a weird position, so they've gone to sleep, and I'm kinda...stuck."

I flung the wardrobe door open to see the damage and the sight made me burst into hysterics.

"Oh...my...God..." I giggled.

He was in an extremely awkward position. Three coat hangers were hanging off his right leg and his arm was gripped tightly around the bar the held my clothes, to prevent him from losing balance. A cardigan was draped across his head, so I couldn't see his expression.

"Yes, that's right. Laugh at poor Edward." he muttered.

"Kay..." was all I could choke out.

After a few minutes I managed to contain my hysteria long enough to take a few deep breaths. "Ah..." I inhaled. "Sorry, sweetie."

"Stop trying to suck up." he grumbled, obviously not accepting my apology.

"Hey, don't blame me for this. This is what you get for hiding in a closet." I pointed out.

"Can you just get this cardi off me please?" he sighed. "It's very soft by the way."

"We've started using 'Surf Cuddly' instead of our usual laundry powder." I told him. "You can really feel the difference. I hate itchy, rough clothes. Don't you?"

"Mmmm." he murmured, thoughtful for a moment. "You know what's even worse than itchy clothes?"

"What?"

"WHEN YOU HAVE A COAT HANGER STUCK UP YOUR ASS, AND ALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN DO IS STAND THERE LAUGHING!"

He should've known that would set me off again.

*

"Are you sure you don't want me to take a look?" I snickered.

Edward held the bag of peas more firmly to his backside. "No thank you." He glared at me.

I grinned back. "Oh come on. You're not _honestly _mad at me, are you?"

He sniffed.

"Coat hangers can't inflict _that _much damage, can they?"

He sniffed again. "Yes, Bella. Yes they can." His bottom lip was stuck out in a pout. "You know what hurts the most though?"

"What hurt the most?" I asked, laying my head on his shoulder.

He pouted some more. "The fact that I had to pull the hanger out _myself_. You were too busy laughing to do it for me."

I bit my lip to stop the giggles.

"Do you know how HARD it is to yank a coat hanger out of your butt yourself, Bella? IT'S REALLY HARD!"

He looked heartbroken.

"Poor injured baby." I cooed. "How can I make you better?"

He thought for a moment. "Soup. You could make me soup." He held his head high. "It's the least I deserve after all the trauma you've put me through."

I tried to pass the snicker that escaped me off as a cough. "What flavour soup?"

"Chicken noodle." He decided after a moment. "With real chicken and real noodles in it."

"As apposed to...what?"

"Just make the damn soup." He said, poking his tongue out.

"Say please."

He scowled. "No."

I crawled onto his lap. "Say it."

"I'm not saying please. I'm too irritable to be polite." But his lips twitched.

"Say it." I repeated, pressing my forehead to his. "Or no soup."

He ignored me. "Get of my lap. It hurts the affected area."

I began to bounce up and down on his lap. "Say it, say it, say it, say it...." I sang.

"You're very immature, you know that, right?"

"Say it, say it, say it, say it...." But I got off his lap incase it was really hurting him, which I doubted, and danced around the room. "Say it...."

Edward just sat there, shaking his head.

"Say it, say it, say it...." I danced in circles around him. "Say it, say it, say i- OH MY GOD!" I let out a shriek as frozen peas were tipped over my head and down my back. "HOLY COW, THAT'S COLD!"

I spun around. A very smug looking Edward stood, smirking at me, and empty packet of frozen peas in his hand. I probably would've attacked right then, except I couldn't really...move.

That's how cold I was.

Edward leaned forward (huh, ass doesn't hurt to much NOW does it Eddie?) and pressed his lips to my ear. "Payback." he whispered.

I managed to shake my head after a couple of seconds. "I. Can't. Believe. You. Just. Did. That."

He shrugged, grinning. "Can I have my soup now?"

That was when I lunged.

EPOV

We were still wrestling on the floor when Charlie walked in. Luckily we were fast enough at moving to get back onto the couch before he saw us.

"Hey, Dad." puffed Bella, when he walked into the room. "How was your day?"

Charlie gave her a strange look. "Um..Good. Are you two ok? You both look a little...flushed..."

"We were having a wrestling match." I said truthfully. Cops can always tell when you're lying. What was the point? "I won."

No need to mention that there was more kissing than wrestling going on. What Charlie didn't know wouldn't hurt him....

He chuckled. "Congratulations, Edward." He hung up his jacket on a hook. "So, what about that storm out there? Pretty crazy huh?"

Bella and I glanced out the window at the same time. The sky was almost pitch black even though it had only just gone five in the afternoon and indeed, there was a storm outside. The tree in the backyard was almost being ripped out of the ground at the force of the wind and it was hailing.

Bella turned to me. "How the hell did we not notice _that_?" she hissed.

I shrugged. "We're both extremely unobservant when we're preoccupied, I suppose."

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Your mother tried to call me at the station before." Charlie continued to Bella. "But she was cut off because the power lines are coming down all over the place our ends. Anyway, she sounded pretty upset, and from what I could make out she was talking about that photo I sent her."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Photo?"

"The one you gave me of that creep..." he put his finger on his chin. "Now what was his name again? Jimmy? John? Jack....?"

"James?" Bella and I said in unison. As if we could forget.

Charlie just shrugged. "If he can't remember my name, I can't remember his." He muttered darkly, "Yeah, so I figured Renee might want to see a photo of him seeing as there's no WAY you're going to Florida with him. Ever." And with that he wandered into the kitchen.

"Charlie sent Renee the photo of James." Bella whispered.

"He didn't say anything about Renee not being allowed to see it, did he?" I asked cautiously.

She shook her head. "But...what if he gets mad? I mean....he knows he looks like a loser in that photo..Even if he fails to admit it. Ugh." She buried her head in her hands. "Does Charlie _know _what he's done?"

Judging by the way he was devouring a packet of potato chips like there was no tomorrow in the kitchen at that very moment, I'd say....no.

"Bella, James probably won't even find out." I reassured her, kissing her nose. "Besides, don't worry about _that _when you have FAR more important things to worry about."

"Like what?" she mumbled.

"Like the fact that I have to leave now otherwise this storm will get even worse and I'll be stuck here forever."

She wrapped her arms around my waist. "Ok. I don't mind you staying here forever."

I smirked. "A lifetime stuck in a soupless house with a girl who smells like peas? No thanks."

She pouted.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I chuckled, leaning in to kiss her lips. "I lov-"

"Do you two want any chip-" We pulled apart at the sound of Charlie's voice, but we were too late.

He narrowed his eyes at us, guilty expressions frozen on our faces. "But...But I thought Bella was with Jam-....Hmmm..." Charlie thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Teenagers. I'll never understand them. Why even try?"

BPOV

I switched on my old computer to check my emails. Damn Edward. He just _had _to go an leave me.

Stupid storm.

Stupid Dad for interrupting.

Stupid dial-up internet.

Hmph.

Finally, it loaded.

Email 1: _JOIN JENNY CRAIG NOW!_ - _Do you want to lose ten pounds for ten dollars?_

Spam. Delete.

Email 2: _Yahoo!Answers: Your Question- _How do I get a creepy guy blackmailing me to leave me alone? - _Has been answered 0 times._

Dammit. Delete.

Email 3: **From: **Renee Dwyer.

I opened it, just as I did, the voice of a certain pixie-like friend of mine called to me from downstairs.

"BELLA! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU AND YOUR DAD ABOUT SOMETHING!"

**To: **Bella Swan

**From: **Renee Dwyer.

_BELLA!_

_I GOT THAT PHOTO FROM YOUR DAD, CALL ME NOW! I MEAN IT YOUNG LADY! THAT GUY WAS IN MY POTTERY CLASS AND....WELL, I'LL TELL YOU THE REST LATER._

_NOW, ISABELLA! PICK UP THAT PHONE NOW!_

_Well...As soon as the storm is over and the phone lines are up again._

_Yours FURIOUSLY,_

_Mom._

Crap.


	26. Freckles and Clay

EPOV

Alice and I sat side by side on Bella's bed, watching her pace the length of the room and pretty much destroy her fingernails forever.

"This is bad. This is very very bad." she whispered.

"Look," Alice said, attempting to speak for the first time after the "SHUT THE HELL UP, ALICE OR I'LL BURN YOUR WARDROBE ONE GARMENT AT A TIME AND MAKE YOU WATCH, DAMMIT!" incident an hour ago. "I really don't see what the big deal is. Renee recognised him. So what?"

"So?" screeched Bella hysterically, flinging her arms in the air. "So...so..." she stammered. "I don't _know _what it means, but its to do with James, so it can't be good, can it?"

Then she went back to ranting and biting her nails.

Alice slowly leaned across the length of the bed so she could whisper in my ear. "You take the right arm, I'll take the left."

I nodded once. "One..."

"Two..."

"Three." we muttered together, jumping up and tackling Bella, then pushing her back onto the bed where we'd been a moment ago.

Tackling my girlfriend could've been kinda sexy...if it weren't for the fact my sister was helping and said girlfriend was out of her mind.

Alice placed her hand over Bella's mouth. "You listen, I talk."

Bella stared at us for a moment, narrowing her eyes dangerously into slits.

In Alice Language, this apparently translates as a "Go Ahead! Speak your mind!".

"Bella, as I have been trying to tell you for the past hour since I arrived and you went mad, you need to relax."

"Flow van fi velax ven vy ife is vavout voo dend?!"

"Good point, Bells, I'll take it on board." Alice smirked. "As I was saying, you haveto calm down or you'll have a heart attack. Now, remember when I came in and was all, "Bella! Come down here! I need to talk to you and your Dad about somethi- UGH! DID YOU JUST _LICK _ME?!" she whipped her hand away.

Bella smiled smugly. "Why yes. I do believe I did." then the smile disappeared. "YOU WERE PLANNING ON TELLING _CHARLIE_?!"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Of course not. I'm not stupid. Telling Charlie wouldn't solve anything. I-"

"I disagree."

Bella and Alice turned to stare at me incredulously. "What?"  
"I disagree," I repeated. "I think we _should _tell Charlie. I mean, think about it. He's a _police _chief! It's what we should've done from the very beginning."

Alice stepped away from Bella and began to stalk towards her next prey: Me.

"And what, do tell us, Edward, exactly will _Charlie _do about all of this?"

I shrugged. "_I'm_ not the professional in law enforcement. He is. He'll know what to do."

"Even if we did tell Charlie, he wouldn't be able to do anything." blurted out Bella, starting to look worried again. "I mean, what evidence do we have?"

"It's your word against his." I pointed out calmly.

Alice cleared her throat before I could do anymore convincing. "All in favour of not telling Charlie, please raise your hand."

This was so infantile.

Alice's arm shot into the air. Bella hesitated, staring at me for a moment. Then slowly, she raised it.

I rolled my eyes. I loved Bella to bits, don't get me wrong, but that girl would do _anything _to keep the peace and make others happy. She was so selfless, she'd rather leave people to their own, happy little lives, than ask for help.

"Majority rules!" declared Alice. "Ok, so like I was saying before, I told Charlie that Billy Black's wheelchair had broken and he needed him to go down to La Push and fix it."

Bella took in what Alice was saying, then groaned. "You really need to think plans through better, Alice."

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't it obvious? Charlie's gonna drive down, see that the chair is perfectly fine and know that something is up!"

Alice pulled a face, dug her hand into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small piece of metal. "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Alice!" gasped Bella. "You _actually _brokeBilly's wheelchair?"

"I wouldn't put it past her." I mumbled, still pissed that neither of them were listening to me.

"I'm not proud of my actions." Alice shot back at me. "And I didn't have many options did I? My _brother _was to 'busy' in his room to help me. 'Ow! My it hurts! Ow ow ow! I hate coathangers!'" she mimicked.

Bella bit her lip to hide a smile. "Poor Edward."

"Tell us your sure-to-fail plan already will you?" I snapped. "Then James can leave, you can be put in an asylum and Bella and I can elope."

"To France?" Bella asked hopefully.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Jupiter. Perhaps even further." I replied in all seriousness.

"My plan is _so _not going to fail." insisted Alice, ignoring the asylum jab. She turned her attention onto Bella again. "You said James was stupid right?"

She nodded slowly.

"Like, really _really _stupid?"

"Yes."

"How stupid?" she persisted.

"Alice, last week, when we were bored, I told him the 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' 'To get the the other side' joke."

"And?"

"He spent the rest of the day asking me why the hell the chicken was out of it's cage in the first place, and complaining about the irresponsible farming of birds these days."

Alice beamed. "Then my plan's going to work! Get on that phone, call James and tell him to come over."

Bella made no move to do so. "I'm not wasting valuable No-James time on some stupid plan that's doomed anyway."

"Argh! What _is _it with you two and your pessimism?"

"The history books don't lie." I muttered.

"Am I going to have to remind you who got you two together in the first place?"

"Am I going to have to remind you who got us into this _James mess _in the first place?"

"If it weren't for-"

"Your plans are the reason for the death of Freckles." Bella reminded her sadly.

"May he rest in peace." we all chanted. Ten years of doing that every time Freckles was bought up, and it was hard to break the habit.

"You _need _to get over that." sighed Alice.

"YOU KILLED MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND!"

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT GUINEA PIGS ON DIETS?!"

Bella folded her arms and glared at Alice.

_Here we go again_, I internally groaned. When we were seven, Alice had commented that Bella's guinea pig, Freckles, was looking a tinsy bit overweight. So she convinced Bella that he had to be put on a diet and they started starving him 'for his own good'.

Then he kind of.....died.

To this day, Alice still claims it was bulimia, not the diet, that killed dear Freckles.

It was a very tragic period of our lives.

"And as I've told you many times, Bella, it was _clearly_ an eating disorder. If he'd just eaten healthy and exercised regularly as I'd instructed him too, all of it could've been avoided. But he just _had _to go all bulimic. You could _see _the vomit on the floor of his cage, Bells. The evidence was right there."

"Alice, that was _hay _on the floor of his cage."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Lets have this argument later. Bella, go call James."

Bella stood up, muttering, and stomped down the stairs to get the phone, when she returned the grumpy expression was still there. "What do you want me to say to him?"

"Just tell him to come over. Say it's about Renee."

Her finger paused as she started to dial. "I'm not telling him mom recognised him, ok? It'll only infuriate him."

"Don't worry. You won't have to." Alice said, grinning slyly. "He won't be interested in any of that for very much longer..."  
Bella cleared her throat and held the phone to her ear. "Hi, J-"

….

"No, I don't have any clay. Why would I own clay?"

….

"You want to make a sculpture of my mother doing WHAT?!"

….

She visibly shuddered. "Um, well can you postpone it? I need you to come over. It's about Renee."

….

"No, she isn't dead. It's..um..good news, not bad news." Alice gave her thumbs up. "Yeah, it's really really _good _news."

….

"No, Phil isn't dead either. Can you just come over?"

….

"Cool, b-" she pulled the receiver away from her ear and stared at it. "He hung up on me."

"Doesn't matter." Alice patted her shoulder. "You did a good job." Then she spun around to face me. "Edward, I need you to go home and get two things out of my room for me."

I held my hands up. "It better not be clay."

"No." an evil look came over her face. "Edward, I'm going to need Kelly Clarkson's latest CD and _The Little Mermaid _on DVD."

**DON'T LOOK AT ME ALL SKEPTICALLY LIKE THAT! Are you QUESTIONING Alice's plan? You'd better not be...or she'll kill your guinea pig!**

**Or your rabbit. Or your horse. Or your cat. Or your dog. Or your pet armadillo....**


	27. Ew! Disney!

**GUYS! Oh my goodness, I was almost CRYING when I read all your messages of support. Not only did I get a couple of hundred reviews/PM's on MY ACCOUNT, but I read all the reviews you left on WillBellaPleaseJustDIEAlready's 'stories' and I was blown away. Thank you SO MUCH! Honestly, if I could fly around the world and hug each and every one of you, I WOULD! **

**So, anyway, this is my conclusion: You guys don't deserve to be punished for what she's done wrong, so I'm coming of my strike and updating ALL of my stories at some point during the day. She hasn't taken any of her copied stories down yet, but I've reported her so hopefully they'll be down soon.**

**Once again, thanks for all your support....and enjoy the chapter! x**

BPOV

"Nothing you say will ever make me do this." Edward said stubbornly, folding his arms and sitting down on the sofa. "Nothing."

Alice glared at him. "You're pathetic! Do you want to get rid of James or not?"

"Of course I do! That's why I'm going to go hide in Bella's room when James get here, instead of the _evil place_."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, come on!"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I refuse."

"It's just a closet!" exclaimed Alice. "And I'll be in there too, so I won't let any scary coat-hangers get you. Does that make you feel better?"

Edward stared at her like she was crazy. "Not at all! I'm scared that you'll be the one _doing _the coat-hanger-stabbing!"

Alice threw her hands up in the air and groaned. "Why can't you just get over-"

_Knock, knock, knock_.

I squeaked. "He's here."

"I know." muttered Alice, suddenly grabbing Edward by the ear. And throwing him into the open door of the closet under the stairs.

"OUCH!"

She turned to me as Edward crawled back out again. "You're going to be fine. We've gone over and over it. You _know _what to do."

"What if he sees right through it?" I whispered, as more impatient knocking rang through the house.

"Bella," Alice grabbed my shoulders. "He's an idiot. Just keep your fingers crossed and pray to God it works-"

Before she could finish her sentence, I was pulled into Edward's arms and kissed passionately.

I slid my arms around his neck, wishing I could stay in that moment in time for the rest of my life.

"This is really not the time." Alice muttered, but I could hear the reluctant smile in her voice. "Come on guys. Guys?"

We were both to caught up in our own little world to notice her until our heads were yanked apart. "Get in the closet, Edward."

He smiled the crooked smile that had made my heart melt for years and with one last hast kiss, he ducked into the closet, checking for any coathangers before he sat down. Alice winked at me and followed him in.

Mere seconds after the closet door closed, the _front _door burst open.

"For God's sake! Did you not here me?" growled James, storming into the living room.

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly. "I was preoccupied."

"Whatever." he muttered. "What did you want? You do realise you interrupted something _very _important, don't you?"

"Yes, I'm so very sorry to prise you away from your clay model of my naked mother." I resisted the urge to gag. "I suppose I'm going to regret asking this later.....but how exactly do you _know _what Renee looks like without any clothes on?"

James plopped down onto the couch, smiling indulgently. "Binoculars are a wonderful thing....and your dear, angel mother often forgets to close the curtains-"

I held a hand up. Yes, definitely regretting asking. "Thank you."

He shrugged. "You asked. So..." he looked around the room. "Why'd you want me to come over so badly? Can't resist me?" he grinned creepily. "I guess it runs in the family."

Riiiight....

"Um, no, I actually thought we could watch a movie together." I held up _The Little Mermaid_.

He screwed up his nose. "Ew. Disney."

I slipped the DVD into the player and pressed play before running back to join him on the couch. "I felt like watching something light at happy today."

James' expression suddenly changed. "Wait....Do I get popcorn?"

I sighed and stood up again. "I'll go make it now."

*

I pressed pause on the remote just as King Triton, Ariel's father, was turning her from a mermaid to a human. "See? Look, James? Isn't this nice? The king loves Ariel _so much _that he's willing to let her go so she can be with the one she loves!"

James popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth, he was onto his fourth helping and I kept having to get up and make more. This was irritating, I could really do without the creepy-voice-from-nowhere hissing advice at me everytime I walked past the closet. "Can you press play again now?"

I ignored him. "Wouldn't _you _do that for the person _you _love? Wouldn't _you _let them go if it meant they could be happy?"

Mwahaha. NOBODY can resist Disney morals. NOBODY!

James shrugged. "I dunno. But it doesn't even matter, because 1) I'm not a mermaid king, 2) Renee isn't a random ginga chick with a purple bra and c) Phil isn't as hot as Prince Eric."

I groaned internally. It was time for plan B.

I switched the television off.

"HEY!" yelled James, jumping up off the couch. "I was watching that!"

"It was nearly finished anyway." I told him briskly. "If you want ti find out what happens next, go rent the sequel from the video store."

"There's a sequel?!" he squealed in delight.

Yeah. So much for 'Ew. Disney'.

"What happens?"

I dug around in the bag Edward had bought over (pepper spray included, God, pessimistic much?) trying to find the CD. "Ummm...They have a kid and...she wants to be a mermaid."

"Aw! Ariel and Eric would make such amazing parents!" James gushed happily.

Ok, that was just sad.

"Mmmmhmmm..." I gave him a strange look. And finally found the CD. "Hey, can I play you a song?"

He made a face. "Will it take long?"

Only if you're difficult... "Nope."

"Fine." he huffed.

I placed the CD into the player and threw the cover onto the coffee table. "Now, I have to ask you something before I play the song."

"The answer is yes." James replied, thrusting the empty bowl he'd been holding at me. "Yes, I _would _like more popcorn."

I rolled my eyes. "No. My question is about Renee." I said gently, trying to make my voice sound concerned. "Did you ever _really _think it would work out between you two?"

James was silent for a moment, apart from whispering the question back to himself. "Did I ever really-" his eyes suddenly lit up with anger. "It _is _going to work! We're soul mates!"

"But she has a husband who she loves very much." I pointed out.

"She'll change her mind again when she meets me!" he muttered more to himself than me.

I gave him a knowing look and he glanced at his shoes, not meeting my gaze. "How can you possibly be sure about that?"

"I...uh..." he gritted his teeth, his hands now curled up into fists. "Shut up, Bella. Phil is _nothing_! Nothing! He won't matter when Renee meets me!"

I placed a hand on his arm which he immediately shook off. "Remember the movie? How the king let Ariel because he loved her-"

"WE'RE NOT MERMAIDS!" he interrupted furiously. "And I'm not Renee's dad."

"That kind of thing doesn't just happen to mermaids and between fathers and daughters." I told him quietly. That was my cue to press play.

As the music started, I turned away from James, not wanting to influence his decision in any way by being right there.

_  
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone_

"See?" I whispered. "If you really love her, you'll leave her alone so she can move on and have a life with Phil."

Suddenly, I wasn't so sure about this plan anymore. What if James _wasn't _stupid enough to have his mind changed by a Disney movie and a song? What if he got really angry and...violent? What if this only fueled his infatuation with Renee?

But any doubts I was having were too late. It had been done. All I could do was stare at the wall infront of me and hope to God it worked.

I could hear his breathing slowly becoming faster and faster. "You're right, Bella." What sounded suspiciously like a huge exhale came from the closet. "Renee isn't my soul mate."

I bit my lip to force back a grin and spun around. "She isn't?"

James shook his head. He _was _grinning, staring at something square and plastic on his lap. "No, she isn't."

I sighed in relief and walked over to him. "Good. I'm glad you see it my way. I mean, some people just aren't meant to be in a relationship. And not everyone has to have a soul mate..." Especially not if you're a psycho.

"Oh, I have a soul mate." James assured me. "It just isn't Renee." he sniffed. "I prefer my women a bit..higher up...in society."

I blinked. "Pardon?"

He stood up. "I appreciate you help, Beth, but I'm afraid you'll have to tell your mother I'm no long interested." He held up what he'd been staring at earlier: the CD case, and pointed to the picture of Kelly Clarkson on the front. "This is my future wife."

I suppressed a giggle threatening to explode out of me and nodded. "Kay."

"I'm glad you see things my way." he said, laying a hand on my shoulder. "It was nice meeting you, Beatrice."

"You too, James." I lied as he turned and headed for the the front door.

James paused just as he was about to slam it. "Oh, and Belinda? Say goodbye to your father for me." he winked. "Under all that toughness, Chuckie really isn't such a bad guy."

And then he was gone.

*

Ten minutes later, Edward, Alice and I were sitting side by side on my living room couch with identical shocked expressions on our faces.

After James' car had pulled away, they'd silently emerged from the closet and the three of us hand simultaneously plopped down on the sofa.

Of course, it was Alice who first broke the incredulous silence.

"Dammit!" she cried, jumping up. "That bastard took my CD cover!"

**What did you expect guys? This is a Romance/Humor fanfic! It's not supposed to be _too _angsty! And James _is _an idiot! **

**Epilogue is next. Sob! I can't believe this story is almost over!**

**Please review and make me feel all happy about coming off the strike! I love you all! *takes virtual baking out of internet oven (?)* COOKIES FOR EVERYONE!**


	28. Epilogue: Taking the Trade

**I'M SORRY! I haven't updated in aaages. I haven't updated ANY of my stories in ages! But I have an excuse, and it can be summed up in one word.**

**Exams.**

**Blah. But luckily they're over now.....soooo.... I'll slowly be able to update again.**

**OME! OME! OME!!!!! NEW MOON! AAAHHHHH! AMAZING!!!!!!! Sigh. Wow. Wasn't it great? I've seen it three times and it's only been out in New Zealand for four days.... lol.**

**Anyway....On a sadder note, SOB! This is the epilogue and THE VERY LAST CHAPTER!**

***tear* Make sure you read my A/N at the bottom for "Sequel/No sequel?" details.**

**Enjoy your very last installment of _I Feel Like I Already Know You!_**

APOV

"It's all down to you, Emmett."

Em's eyes darted from left to right nervously. "But...but...."

Rosalie and I were seated on the left side of the room while Edward and Jasper sat on the right. Bella lay on the couch, after having declared herself 'Switzerland, a neutral country' on this particular argument.

"The deciding vote." Edward said calmly, holding the two DVD's in his hands. "Choose wrong, and by tomorrow, the entire school will have seen those baby pictures of you and Mr Teddy..."

"Shut up, Edward." Rosalie snapped, then she turned to smile sweetly at her boyfriend who was wiping sweat from his forehead. "Em, if you don't support _me_, I'm joining the celibacy club on Monday."

Emmett opened his mouth, but Jasper interrupted him before he could speak. "Come on, Em. You don't _really _want to sit through two hours of the girls swooning over _Matthew McConaughey's 'dreaminess', do you?"_

_"I...." Emmett glanced at Rose sheepishly. She mouthed 'celibacy'. "____Ghosts of Girlfriends Past __it is." I grinned and slapped Rosalie a high-five._

_Edward and Jasper groaned. Edward threw ____The Unborn __on the floor and huffed over to the couch to wrap his arms around Bella. "This is the last time Emmett gets the deciding vote on what movie we watch for date-night. He's way too easily persuaded."_

_Rosalie snickered and pressed play._

_Edward still hadn't gotten over his defeat when the opening credits had finished. "I mean, really, Bella, this ____is __your house. You've provided the venue, you should have some say in what we watch."_

_"I happen to like this movie." she murmured, snuggling closer to him and sighing happily as he kissed the top of her head softly._

_I peeked at the happy couple from the corner of my eye, suppressing a grin that was threatening to spread across my face. Those two were better than the cheesy romantic comedy on the television screen, they were the real thing. _

_"I'd forgotten-"_

_"Shhh." Rosalie shot daggers at the two and turned her attention back to the male lead, murmuring "Dreamy" under her breath._

_Emmett rolled his eyes._

_"I'd forgotten how opinionated you were when it comes to Date Night movies." Bella continued in a lower voice, but loud enough that I could still hear what she was saying from my spot infront of them, perched on Jasper's knee (What? I'm an eavesdropper at heart! Don't judge). _

_"I don't know why I care so much actually." Edward whispered in her ear. "It's not like I'm even going to be watching the movie anyway. Just you. I guess I was arguing out of habit."_

_Bella smiled, her eyes fluttering shut and despite her earlier insistence of 'liking the movie' she promptly fell asleep._

_I tried to focus on the movie, but my eyes kept wandering back to Edward's face as he stared at his sleeping girlfriend. He glanced up for a second and caught my eye, winking. _

_It was the first date night in a month. The first date night since ____BrunetteShoppingHater__ and ____I_Love_Cookies__ had met on the dating site. And the first ____ever __date night where everyone was officially coupled up._

_In other words, I was extremely happy._

_"Are you ok?" _

_I turned my head slightly so I was looking at Jasper. "Yes, why wouldn't I be?"_

_"Shhhh!" _

_I rolled my eyes at Rosalie. Jasper stared at me, a concerned expression on his face. "You've barely said two words tonight. It's not like you to be so...quiet."_

_"Nothing's wrong." I insisted in a whisper, pretending to watch the movie._

_Jasper sighed. "Am I going to have to take you into the kitchen and tickle it out of you, Miss Cullen?"_

_My hands instinctively flew to the sides of my body. "You wouldn't."_

_"I would." his arms tightened around me. "Spill it, Alice."_

_"I'm trying not to be so loud and....annoying." I blurted out after a second._

_"Loud and annoying?" Jazz repeated incredulously._

_I nodded. "It irritates people."_

_"Why would you say that?" he whispered, brushing his thumb along my cheek. "Everyone loves your personality. It's what makes you ____you__."_

_"But if it weren't for me being so pushy," I hissed. "the whole James thing would never have happened."_

_Shock flickered across Jasper's face. "You can't honestl-"_

_"Shut it." Rosalie snapped._

_Jazz stood up and grabbed my wrist, pulling me into Bella's kitchen. "You're not blaming yourself for what happened with James, are you?"_

_I sniffed and folded my arms. "I was the one who made them go on the dating site in the first place."_

_"Alice," Jasper placed his hands on my shoulders. "what happened with that psycho could have happened to anyone. It was mere chance that he found Bella, so don't you dare beat yourself up about it."_

_"I can't help it..." I muttered. "I still feel responsible. And I don't want it to happen again..."_

_"So you're changing your entire personality?" _

_"It's the solution I've come up with to make sure something like this never happens again."_

_Jasper shook his head. "Alice, that's not a solution, it's a tragedy." _

_I rolled my eyes. "Trust me. I don't think anyone in there," I jerked my thumb in the direction of our friends. "would object to me shutting up every once in a while."_

_"Let's ask them then," he walked back into the living room. "Rose, can you turn that off for a second, please?"_

_"You're dreaming." Emmett muttered eying his girlfriend who's eyes were glued to the screen._

_"Fine," Jazz turned to the other three. "Alice is trying to change herself."_

_I caught Bella's eye (She was wide awake now that Jasper had decided to broadcast my insecurities to the whole planet) and rolled mine. "Jazz is being silly, I'm just going to stop having elaborate plans, pushing people into things and talking so much."_

_There was a silence. "So, you're basically trying to change your entire personality?" Edward asked incredulously after a moment._

_I glared at him. "No, I just-"_

_"She feels guilty about what happened with Bella's internet psycho." Jasper interrupted. "She doesn't want it to happen again, so she's being all....." he seemed to struggle for words. "...not Alice."_

_Bella reached up and unwound Edward's arms from around her. She stood up and walked over to me, taking my hands. "Mary Alice Cullen,"_

_I winced at my full name. "You swore you'd never call me that....."_

_She ignored me. "It was ____not __your fault that James decided to come and blackmail me, or whatever the hell you call the shit he did. It was ____mine__."_

_"You didn't choose to sign up on that dating site on your own. It was my idea." I reminded her._

_"And it has the ____best __idea you've ever had." Edward murmured from where he was spread out on the small couch. _

_Bella nodded in agreement. "If it weren't for you pushing us into signing up, we never would have realised how perfect we are for each other."_

_"But...." I swallowed. "You both had your hearts practically torn to shreds in the process." I glanced at my brother, remembering, despite his blissful expression at present, what he'd looked like when Bella had yelled at him after the talent show: devastated. "Especially you, Edward."_

_Edward raised his eyebrows and stood up, strolling over to where Jasper, Bella and I stood. "You're right. I did get hurt. Badly."_

_"Exactly, and I-"_

_"But I also got Bella as a result of that hurt." he reached down and gently took Bella's hand, holding it against his cheek. He smiled crookedly. "And I'd take that trade any day."_

_I couldn't help the wide grin that spread across my face._

_Suddenly, Emmett, who'd been listening the whole time, let out a low whistle. "Wow. This stuff is deep."_

_Edward rolled his eyes._

_"Can't Alice just go back to forcing everyone to go on murderous shopping sprees and we all go back to our little shallow lives?" Em asked desperately. "Please?"_

_Everyone except Rosalie stared at me. I sighed. _

_"Ok."_

_Jasper punched the air. "Thank goodness, because, quite frankly, I ____like __being the quiet one in this relationship. And I'm not about to let that title go without a fight."_

_"You won't have to," I assured him with a laugh. "I promise I'll talk for a whole day tomorrow to make up for my quietness tonight."_

_"That's all I'm asking." he whispered, kissing me as Edward and Bella resumed to their spot on the couch, us to the arm chair._

_Emmett, seeing all the romance surrounding him, placed his hand on Rosalie's arm. "Hey, Rose......"_

_She grabbed his wrist with one hand, pausing the movie with the other. "Do you ____want __to lose this arm, Emmett McCarty?"_

_Em shook his head slowly._

_Rosalie released him and went back to staring at the screen._

_A large grin spread across Em's face. "I do love it when my girl plays hard to get."_

_I winked at him and rested my head on Jasper's shoulder. My eyes wandered back to the other happy couple in the room, but darted away again when I realized they were in the middle of a heavy make-out session. Apparently they don't know the term 'Anti-PDA'._

_Oh well. Either way, I'd gotten what I'd wanted...._

_Bella Swan and Edward Cullen had ____finally __Hooked Up._

_**AAAAAND..... That's a wrap! I'd like to thank everyone who's read this story (Especially my AMAZING reviewers) and for all your support. I love each and every one of you guys to the moon and back and I hope you know that. **_

_**Sequel? I have no idea. I don't have any plotline ideas but anyone's welcome to send me ideas! I'd love to hear them! And your idea will most likely set a spark off in my mind, so that means it's more likely that there WILL be a sequel.**_

_**Have fun, be safe on the internet (you never KNOW what kind of James-like people could be out there! Lol) and happy reading and writing!**_

_**Bye for now!**_

_**-Lauren**_

_**(PS: Review or PM me your fave bits from new moon and what you thought of the movie! There are never enough people out there to gush over the amazingness with!)**_

_**x x x x **_


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